NRA: Answer or Problem?

January 7, 2013

Regarding the recent mass shooting at a Connecticut school, the NRA, at its press conference of December 21, 2012, equated problem mental states with such shootings involving assault-style weapons. Indeed, NRA head Wayne La Pierre brought his own problem mental states to the issue by suggesting that the solution was to place armed guards at all schools. Let me take this opportunity to make some additional suggestions—each in the La-La Pierre vein.

  1. Place armed guards at other types of sites where mass shootings have taken place: movie theaters, shopping malls, college campuses, political rallies, and just about anyplace else where people gather. There could never be too many guns. 
  2. Reinstate school prayer. Thank God for his support of the NRA and its right-minded members.
  3. Fill hunting vests with protective pocket bibles, and distribute to people as needed.
  4. Make assault-weapons safety a mandatory part of the school—and home-schooling—curriculum.
  5. Stop criticizing assault weapons owners, lest you provoke the next potential shooter.
  6. Require everyone to buy an assault weapon. Remember, it isn’t assault weapons that kill people; it’s people without guns failing to kill the bad guys that result in people being killed.
  7. Consider that trying to limit assault weapons will only hurt the gun manufacturers. Then where will we be?
  8. Avoid the slippery slope: legislating assault weapons could also lead to restricting hunting rifles, pellet and BB guns, cap pistols, and squirt guns. Who knows if it would even end there?
  9. Use a little logic: Restricting assault weapons won’t end carnage. A determined killer can still lock people in an auditorium and strangle them one at a time.
  10. Allow only gun owners to vote, and shoot anyone who disagrees with these reasoned solutions.