Top Ten Uses for Assault Weapons

January 2, 2013

In light of continued mass shootings using assault weapons, and the argument of some (including many espousing “humanist values”) that such weapons have no purpose other than mass killings, I have provided this helpful top-ten list of uses:

  1. For mass killings;
  2. To blast windows and locks to gain entry for mass killings;
  3. To facilitate standoff or getaway in mass killings and other crime sprees;
  4. For how-to demonstrations in mass-killings training sessions by paranoid conspiracy groups;
  5. For target practice in rehearsing mass killings;
  6. As movie prop for portrayal of mass killings;
  7. As inspiration for animated video games that fantasize mass killings;
  8. As model for children’s toys for pretend mass killings;
  9. As noise-maker for celebrating defeat of legislation to prevent mass-killings; and
  10. As museum exhibit on history of mass killings.


#1 leftover on Wednesday January 02, 2013 at 10:07am

It’s good to keep in mind that an “assault weapon” is just a semiautomatic weapon with a few enhancements…a few functional…most cosmetic. Kind of like lipstick on a pig. Take away the lipstick, you still got a pig.

If we are serious about reducing…significantly…the potential for mass killings and injury from firearms in general, we need to restrict ownership of semiautomatic weapons to law enforcement only. All handguns. All rifles. Few exceptions. (The 1986 “ban” on fully automatic weapons would provide a good starting template, but due to the massive proliferation of semiautomatic weapons, more radical restriction and control is necessary. An aggressive and well-funded, and mandatory, national “buy back” program, for instance.)

Connecticut has some of the most progressive gun control laws in the nation, including an “assault weapons” ban. This should tell us that stricter regulation and control is necessary. (Also, Congress needs to rescind its moratorium on funding firearms injury prevention research through the CDC.)

It’s true that other factors concerning our culture and society need to be examined. But we to take definitive and comprehensive action in order to confront what has obviously become a national public health crisis. Simply repeating earlier efforts that have failed isn’t enough. The general public deserves a fighting chance against this problem. Doing everything possible to remove semiautomatic, as well as fully automatic, weapons, from circulation is the only responsible approach.

#2 tudza (Guest) on Thursday January 03, 2013 at 12:34am

Guess you couldn’t be bothered to compile a real list?

#3 Jack B. (Guest) on Thursday January 03, 2013 at 7:37am

I hate to actually agree with someone for once, but this list is absolute nonsense. This isn’t some kind of commentary on how guns are used, how guns should be used or why we actually have these things lying around and what we should do about it, its just 4th grade inflammatory nonsense.

If you’re going to have a discussion about the ethics of gun ownership, take this seriously, don’t just react to this tragedy trying to rabbel-rouse.

#4 James (Guest) on Thursday January 03, 2013 at 4:04pm

For someone with a Ph.D you certainly don’t do the rest of us justice with your viewpoints. It would be nice if you would actually take a look into the facts, statistics and information about assault rifles before putting something out there like this. Have you ever owned a weapon. Shot a weapon or so called assault rifle. Know the reasons why this is one of the best hunting platforms on the market? I don’t think so. Did you know that you can change the barrel of a AR to change the caliber to hunt anything in the wild? Why buy 5 different guns for hunting occasions when you can buy a AR and simply change the barrel for any type of hunting known to man? You honestly do not know the first thing about weapons. Grow up and educate yourself. Or did all the years of schooling wear you down to the point that you can’t investigate for yourself because you are too tired. You are really scraping the bottom of the barrel to post this nonsense.

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