To the Future

August 30, 2012

To my descendants in the twenty-second century:

I thought I would post this brief sketch of the time in which I live, which otherwise will seem quite unfamiliar, perhaps incomprehensible, to you so far in the future. I wanted you to hear things from me, rather than from recordings of what we now call “the media,” lest you suspect that they were just kidding.

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“ParaNorman”  (A Nickell-odeon Review)

August 28, 2012

The new animated movie, ParaNorman, is rated PG, meaning “Parental Guidance suggested.” However, I would recommend a different rating: RIP.

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UFO Buzzes Balloonists!

August 15, 2012

On Sunday, July 29, 2012, three intrepid balloonists went aloft over Genesee Country Village (one of the largest living history museums in the United States) located in Monroe County, New York. I should actually say Intrepid balloonists, because that was the name of the replica Civil War gas balloon the trio were dangling from.

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Doomsday—Yet Again!

August 02, 2012

As we approach the proclaimed end of the world—actually, just the end of the Mayan calendar, December 21—many credulous people are in distress. But I am reminded of a folk song (“Where Have All the Flowers Gone?”), whose refrain asks sadly, “Oh when will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?”

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Mermaid Body Found?

July 24, 2012

Has the body of an actual mermaid been discovered? Well, no, but that very idea was launched by an Animal Planet “documentary” that proved to be a crockumentary—in this case a fictional story offered in the realistic style of The Blair Witch Project (1999).

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High-Wire King Claims the Falls

July 18, 2012

During the night of June 15, 2012, I watched Nik Wallenda, of the famous Wallenda acrobatic family, become the only person ever to walk a high-wire across Niagara Falls. (Other funambulists, beginning with the Great Blondin in 1859, traversed the gorge a mile or so downstream.) Wallenda—a man of impressive daring and discipline—is a fascination to me, especially since I have acrophobia. (I don’t even like being this tall!)

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Will ETs Invade During the Olympics?

July 09, 2012

The extraterrestrials may have finally done it: zapped Nick Pope’s brain!

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“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” (A Nickell-odeon Review)

June 29, 2012

Is nothing sacred? Ask that of the novelist (Seth Grahame-Smith) and the subsequent moviemakers behind Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. How else does one explain their cra$$ exploitation of the sixteenth president, who was martyred for emancipating the slaves and saving the Union at the cost of a bloody war? Bloody? Humor here, with fake blood by the barrelful. Ha, ha!

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Dr. Drew: $elling Out $cience

June 27, 2012

Flipping through TV channels (June 11, 2012) I happened upon Dr. Drew, just in time to watch the physician uncomfortably hosting the notorious “psychic medium” James Van Praagh. I say uncomfortably because Dr. Drew Pinsky does not for a moment believe Van Praagh can talk to the dead. So why, in the name of Ethics, you ask, does he have the pretender doing readings on his $how? Can we $olve thi$ my$tery?

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A Scintillating UFO Experience

June 18, 2012

Journalist Jacqui Jeras—reporting on CNN Newsroom, Sunday, May 27, 2012—described a UFO that had been seen over Blue Springs, Missouri, for the previous two weeks. It first looked like a star, “experts” said, but then began flashing red and blue colors, leading to descriptions of “a purple light” and “freaky blue lights in the sky.” Video closeups confirmed the effect.

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