Anyone send their kids to religious schools?  Our daugher is a year away from entering a Christian public school system - the only option in our area.  (according to Canadian law, if a certain percentage of families desire, there can be religious excercises in public school.) We can refuse to sign the permission slip allowing her to participate but I’m worried that she’ll be looked at differently by other kids and their families.  I don’t want her to bear the social consequences of my decision....  I want to call the school and find out what exactly they include now, in their religious excercises, and what my daughter will do during that time if we choose not to participate.  In the meantime, I’m wondering if any of you have put your kids in religious type schools and what the outcome is. 
For older children, I imagine they can think for themselves to some degree, but I am leary about my 5 year old reciting The Lord’s Prayer every day before classes (which is what we used to do in this division when I was in school - 5 minutes or so of a prayer and sometimes bible reading at 9 am). 

Jenessa

Hi Jenessa:

J Free - 14 March 2008 10:15 AM

Anyone send their kids to religious schools?  Our daugher is a year away from entering a Christian public school system - the only option in our area.  (according to Canadian law, if a certain percentage of families desire, there can be religious excercises in public school.) We can refuse to sign the permission slip allowing her to participate but I’m worried that she’ll be looked at differently by other kids and their families.  I don’t want her to bear the social consequences of my decision....  I want to call the school and find out what exactly they include now, in their religious excercises, and what my daughter will do during that time if we choose not to participate.  In the meantime, I’m wondering if any of you have put your kids in religious type schools and what the outcome is. 

For older children, I imagine they can think for themselves to some degree, but I am leery about my 5 year old reciting The Lord’s Prayer every day before classes (which is what we used to do in this division when I was in school - 5 minutes or so of a prayer and sometimes bible reading at 9 am).

For the public prayer, you might wait until she herself brings it up, as i’m sure she will. Then she’ll be naturally ready to understand a little about what’s going on, and take what ‘heat’ she might get. I’m assuming this school system is run by relatively sane people - they aren’t religious in an overly agressive or ‘us versus them’ manner. If they’re just ‘Flanagans’ then *maybe* let it be until you think she’s old enough

As for the bible-stories. She’s awfully young. I think she’s going to draw the social lessons from it, not any church doctrines.

You’re her biggest influence right now. I’m sure you’ll talk to your daughter about what she sees and hears in school.

Finally, you might ask the school if and how many other children bow out of morning prayer. Maybe there’s several, and it’s a moot point that she’ll ‘stand out’ at all. Also, meet and guage her teacher - not confront her, just size her up. It’s her lead above all others that a class so young will follow. Maybe even let her know your own ‘beliefs’ and your concern about your daughter. Elementary teachers are trained to worry about exactly that among their other duties.

If your conscience doesn’t allow you let her recite public prayers in her school, then I’m still sure your daughter will do fine, despite any hypothetical temporary bump - she obviously has a rational mother, concerned for her welfare. Children naturally hear a good deal, on television, among their friends. She’ll probably participate in several funerals for birds, cats or dolls even. And she’ll take her own counsel soon enough, and use your beliefs as her foundation - it’s documented that children largely adopt the values of their parents.

I need to run, and haven’t well edited this - You seem a savvy person, and i hope your first school year goes wel.

(Truth in advertising - i’m a christian)

cheers,

Kirk

I attended a public school in New England in the 1930’s for my first four years, and I recall that the second, and maybe third grade teachers had us reciite the lord’s prayer every morning.  Interesting that my favorite two teachers - Ms. Fagan/1st grade, and Ms. Weinstein/4th grade didn’t.  Since I didn’t receive any religious inculcation other than this, it apparently had no effect.  I suggest that you don’t make a big deal of it with your daughter, but just mention that some people believe a god exists, and others don’t, but that she shouldn’t try to argue with any of the kids because everyone is entitled to his/her own beliefs.

Occam

My daughter went to a Jewish preschool from 3-6. There were some interesting conversations when she would come home and tell us that the Earth revolves around the Sun “because God wanted it that way.” Still, she had a good experience, can still sing the shabbat blessing in Hebrew, and doesn’t seem especially damaged or brainwashed. We took her out (and into the local secular public school) for kindergarten because the religious instruction became much more intense. Sometimes, now, her old friends we still see from there want to share what they’re learning about god, but she quite cleverly changes or avoids the conversation so she won’t have to argue about it (she waffles between agnostic and atheist, but of course she’s mostly just following along with what she thinks we think at this stage). I think inthegobi is correct that it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Religion (mostly Christianity here in the U.S.) is part of the cultural environment, and it is impossible, and probably not necessary, to avoid it. If you answer any questions that come up honestly and at an age-appropriate level and give her good general think-for-yourself skills, I don’t believe there will necessarily be much harm in school exposure to religion. Of course, I think it’s a shame that a secular school isn’t an option, and I think making public education at least officially neutral with regard to religious belief or the lack thereof is by far the best way to go for everybody, but that’s a different question.

I sent my boys to a Catholic school in Philadelphia because a) I did it and found it to be a solid education and b) the Philadelphia public school system was an absolute disaster at that point (threats by the state to step in and take over the school system and privatize it, that kind of craziness). Any time they brought home any questions about the religious content of their education, I’d tell them “they’re required to teach you that because they’re a Catholic school. But I don’t believe any of it.” Neither of my boys are believers, so I figure they made the same decision.  Good for them.

mckenzievmd - 14 March 2008 09:09 PM

I think inthegobi is correct that it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Religion (mostly Christianity here in the U.S.) is part of the cultural environment, and it is impossible, and probably not necessary, to avoid it. If you answer any questions that come up honestly and at an age-appropriate level and give her good general think-for-yourself skills, I don’t believe there will necessarily be much harm in school exposure to religion.

This rings true with me, and is nice to be reminded of.  I live in a fairly religious community, but most people do keep to themselves and aren’t pushy at all with it - mostly because they assume everyone feels the same as they do I think.  But being here for my whole life, I forget that atheism isn’t popular anywhere really.  Everyone says that our schools here are the best to work in and teachers that have taught in other cities say there is a night and day difference.  Our schools are relatively trouble-free.  So I’m thinking at this point, especially after reading your posts, that going to a school where there is very minor religious influence, is a small thing.  Especially when I know that many of the kids (and teachers) there come from families that share the same values as we do, and they will be treated well for the most part. 

And when our children get old enough to make their own decisions about religion, if they should find themselves non-believers as well, at that point, I could help them out with the human rights aspect of it (I’m thinking high school - when I was that age, a teen got in trouble for not standing up during the Lord’s Prayer.  this mostly was from ignorance as the principal assumed he was just being rebellious - cuz everyone knows that we need to pray to God).  In such a situation, it would the child’s own choice to do that, rather than me refusing the prayer for her as a kindergartener....

Thanks for responding.  I have no atheist friends here so I’m thankful to hear others with experiences to share.

Jenessa

In the UK there is no separation of church and state, and ALL schools are religious to at least a nominal extent - religious assemblies, prayers, hymns etc.  We do have the option of pulling our daughters out of the specifically religious aspects of school life, but they don’t want to be “embarrassed” in this way, and I don’t blame them.  My concern is that they are being forced to deal with these issues at an age when they are far too young to think critically about them; we just hope that by talking to our children about these issues and giving a rationalist perspective without being too heavy-handed there won’t be any lasting damage - so far things are going pretty well, but it is early days.

Mat

My children spent 10 years in Catholic School and still remained unconvinced that there is a ‘divine being’, they are both still Atheist with a great grounding in Christian mythology.
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