we can do nothing unless they say it’s ok and it makes me even when your mature enough they say you have to 15 or 18 or 21 adults make me sick and it makes me not want to grow up and I hate the adult that made it so hard for kids and to make things worse we have no say in the the law they deside what’s good or bad for us whether they decide what we do and when we do it and I got to put up with it for next 4 more years :cry:  :evil:  :x :!:  :(  :oops:  oh well life goes on whether U like it or not coment back .

Hello Ghetto Gurl,

I moved this to the “Introduce Yourself” folder ... seemed more apt. Welcome to the forum!

It sounds like you are having some problems with your parents ...

:wink:

Hate to say this, since one never knows where it might lead, but care to elaborate?

I just saw a movie called Ghost in a Shell 2 :Innocence and it has a dialog that talks about children, and robots, how they are similar to dolls because they have no free will. They have to obey their parents. So are they the definition of human being then without freewill then?

Anyways…

In the mean time, tell your parents you hate boys, that might work! Don’t get stressed out from lifes everyday problems they will work out. 

I grew up in a family that was very strict and in a time when there was no TV just Saturday Afternoon movies and Radio after school.

The dangers now are real and lots bigger than they were then but you (meaning all teenagers) can learn to handle them yourselves with the right training.

It sounds as if you might have overly strict parents who are concerned about protecting you from the outside world. You need to find an adult to confide in who is -

1. Worthy of your trust - The person you select should be a real person who you are in contact with like a teacher or a minister or a parent of a friend.

2. The person you choose must be someone who can help you by giving good advice you will accept.

Good Luck - is there a counselor in your school who can help you?
J

I voted “no” because life isn’t unfair to children, some people are unfair to children. 

Sometimes kids don’t have enough information or experience to know what could harm them so adults have to protect them, but they should try to explain what they’re doing and why.  Too often adults, even with the best of motives, give directives without giving the reasons.  This can’t help but annoy the kid.

Then, of course, there are adults who believe all life is based on the more powerful controlling the less powerful (does that sound like a description of religions?).  This really pisses kids off, but the worst thing about it is that the kids often learn that this is the way for an adult to behave and they pass the misery on to their own children.

G-G, I sympathize with you, and I suggest a few things.  Ask what the adult’s reasoning is for imposing that rule.  If s/he can give you a good reason, you may feel less crapped upon, and if s/he can’t give you a good reason, you can at least feel superior because you’ve demonstrated to yourself that they aren’t very bright and can’t reason well. 

And, finally, G-G, watch what they do and figure out what they could do that would protect you, show they cared for and loved you, and still gave you as much freedom as possible.  Then, when you have your own kids use those techniques.  Your kids will love you much more, and grow up to be more well adjusted adults.

Occam

Re: KIDS HAVE NO FREEDOM WE ARE LIKE PROPERTY

[quote author=“Ghetto Gurl”]we can do nothing unless they say it’s ok and it makes me even when your mature enough they say you have to 15 or 18 or 21 adults make me sick and it makes me not want to grow up and I hate the adult that made it so hard for kids and to make things worse we have no say in the the law they deside what’s good or bad for us whether they decide what we do and when we do it and I got to put up with it for next 4 more years :cry:  :evil:  :x :!:  :(  :oops:  oh well life goes on whether U like it or not coment back .

Ghetto Gurl, you are so right.  Kids have no freedom.  It is a sad fact of life that you cannot choose your parents.  A wise and loving parent will give the child as much freedom as the child can handle, when the time is right.

The problem is, we adults are just kids like you, except we got old.  Age does not automatically make one wise.  Only experience can do that.  Here is an old, but very true statement about wisdom:  Good judgment comes from wisdom.  Wisdom comes from experience.  Experience comes from bad judgment.

Parents can cause so much damage, and they don’t even realize it.  Most parents, and I hope yours are in this category, want to be good, kind, and loving, and provide experiences and opportunities for their children that will help them to become happy, productive adults.  Unfortunately, parenting skills do not come automatically.  We usually only have the crappy example of our own parents to go by, and we make the same mistakes they did.  Those of us who are more creative find ways to make additional mistakes too.

But, you can often make something good of a bad thing.  Learn from the mistakes of your own parents.  Resolve to be a better parent yourself, if you choose to have children later.  Learn all you can about raising, loving, and teaching children.  Break the cycle of bad parenting.  When your children grow up and have children of their own, they will have had a great example to live by.

Hang in there.  Life sucks, as they say, for kids.  It also does for adults.  If you are lucky, there is a short period in your life, usually right after you leave home to live on your own, where life is wonderful and you feel very free.  Later, life’s burdens and responsibilities begin to weigh you down.

Try your best to enjoy your young life.  You have your whole life ahead of you, which is a precious gift.  You will be free sooner than you think.  You may, someday, even look back on your childhood with fondness.  :D

JC

Remember that not everyone on forums like this has experienced being a parent and most are not knowledgable about parenting in general.

If you have real issues with your parents, than you should really speak to someone trained in dealing with such issues.

I am troubled with the answer:

Ghetto Gurl, you are so right. Kids have no freedom. It is a sad fact of life that you cannot choose your parents. A wise and loving parent will give the child as much freedom as the child can handle, when the time is right.

Do you know her parents? Are you in a position to imply that her parents are unreasonably restricting her freedom?

And does your statement actually mean anything? ‘As much freedom as the child can handle’? ‘When the time is right’? Can you say something tangible? Something measurable? You might as well say ‘a wise and loving parent will raise their child the right way’. How many parents do you think are actually loving and wise enough to correctly gauge these things? Maybe you have done this with your children, but your expectations are too high, and vague for that matter, for the general population.

One thing children usually don’t understand is that they need boundaries and need to be taught, and the parents are mainly responsible for these things.

The problem is, we adults are just kids like you, except we got old. Age does not automatically make one wise. Only experience can do that. Here is an old, but very true statement about wisdom: Good judgment comes from wisdom. Wisdom comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.

This is an irresponsible statement to make to someone complaining about their parents. I do not doubt that there are people who are either so distrustful, poor at reasoning, or stubborn that they always need to learn through experience, but we have all learned so much though knowledge transfer from our parents, teachers, etc. It is not hard for most to learn that they should not eat something labeled ‘Warning: poisonous’, even without experience.

The truth is many parents are ill-equipped for the job. They might have had poor role models. Sadly, there is a lack of teaching about good parenting techniques. But even if there were all these things, even if the parents were perfect, teenagers would still complain about their lack of freedom!

I feel bad posting this since I don’t want to insult anyone here due to my respect for the group. I just feel we need to be careful with real world posts like this.

Kids have no freedom

Dmoreau,

You are quite a nitpicker.

Ghetto Gurl, you are so right. Kids have no freedom. It is a sad fact of life that you cannot choose your parents. A wise and loving parent will give the child as much freedom as the child can handle, when the time is right.

Do you know her parents? Are you in a position to imply that her parents are unreasonably restricting her freedom?

No, I don’t know her parents (do you?), but if a child feels too restricted, he/she usually is, in my experience.

And does your statement actually mean anything? ‘As much freedom as the child can handle’? ‘When the time is right’? Can you say something tangible? Something measurable? You might as well say ‘a wise and loving parent will raise their child the right way’. How many parents do you think are actually loving and wise enough to correctly gauge these things? Maybe you have done this with your children, but your expectations are too high, and vague for that matter, for the general population.

Yes, my statement means something.  I am a parent of four children.  They turned out quite nicely, actually.  Possibly in spite of my parenting, instead of because of it, but that is another topic.  As children grow, they need to be given more responsibility, and more freedom as they are able to handle it.  Did you want some kind of formula?  An age chart, with responsibilities and freedoms listed?  Each person is different, and some 12-year olds are more mature than some 17-year olds.  Each case should be handled separately.

The problem is, we adults are just kids like you, except we got old. Age does not automatically make one wise. Only experience can do that. Here is an old, but very true statement about wisdom: Good judgment comes from wisdom. Wisdom comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.

This is an irresponsible statement to make to someone complaining about their parents.

My statement is not irresponsible.  It is a true statement.  The truth is more useful than lies or myths.  Lies like “smoking will kill you”, or “drugs will fry your brain”, or “your parents always have your best interest at heart”, or “if you pray, then God will protect you.”

All of your criticisms are just your opinion.  I don’t think your opinions are necessarily more true than mine.  You may be right, but I don’t think you are.  It is obvious that you don’t think I am.

My opinions are based on a lot of experience; as a child, as an adult, and as a parent.  I gave my children all the freedom they were capable of handling, as they became mature enough to handle it.  It is a good policy, and it worked out well for me.  Some parents are too controlling, and overly restrictive.  Perhaps Ghetto Gurl is exaggerating her situation, but perhaps not.  I tend to believe what others tell me, until they give me a reason not to believe.  I also believe that all humans deserve respect, including young humans.  I never talk down to children; I always show respect for their feelings.

Fair enough

I agree with James. Well said!

[quote author=“dmoreau”]Sadly, there is a lack of teaching about good parenting techniques.

Parenting techniques? Now this is funny…

Do you know why there is “a lack of teaching about good parenting techniques?” Because parents who ‘know’ good parenting techniques are too busy being parents.

For what it’s worth, I consider these ‘techniques’ valuable:

“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” (O. Wilde)
“A child’s mind is not a container to be filled, but rather a fire to be kindled.” (I don’t know who said it)
“The best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.” (I don’t know who said it)

My feelings on my parents is A) my personal money giver or b) the people who make me do things I don’t want to do.