Seems to me that funerals are for the still living anyway. It certainly won’t matter to me what people say when I don’t exist anymore. Of course, it’s fun to design one’s own funeral, and I have plenty of ideas for how I’d like it to go, but really it’s none of my business. Whatever comforts my friends and family is what should happen. I suspect there won’t be much religion involved since my family and friends tend to think more or less the way I do about that stuff. But I do think there is psychological value in rituals for remembering and grieving, so I hope they find some way of benefitting from that that suits their beliefs. It doesn’t particularly disturb me if it ends up involving beliefs I don’t share.

While I do tend to agree that funerals are for the living, I believe there is value in the living hearing the truth about what you believed and stood for in your life, rather than perpetuate the idea or habit that these things must be religious in nature. And I half agree, that I won’t care anymore after I’m dead, what happened at my grandfather’s funeral was so upsetting to me, that I’d like to know that doesn’t happen to anyone at mine. I wouldn’t so much mind some reading out of the Bible I guess to comfort the religious people in my life, but I’d want it to be something that could easily be thought of as a metaphor in a non religious way. At my grandfather’s funeral the preacher was telling people if they didn’t accept Jesus they would go to hell. Pretty hard to put a nice warm fuzzy spin on that one. Also, I’m not dead yet, still alive, so the knowledge of what kind of message will be sent out at my funeral still matters to me. My brother is a minister of some sort, if I have considered that if he’s still alive when I go that given that he knows I don’t share his views that I would trust him to do something that didn’t put words into my mouth after the fact. I’m also concerned about in general in society how some religious believers will try to say things like some steadfast atheist converted on their deathbed as a way to suggest that the atheist outlook somehow can’t stand up in the face of death.

I also had the attitude of who gives a s__t after one’s dead, however, your post reminded me of a memorial service for my best friend about twenty-five years ago.  He was very popular and had a large turn out.  He was a theist but not strongly so.  His family spoke, then another friend who was a real evangelical.  He went on and on about how he had worked with him and how he had accepted Jesus and had become so religious (none of which was true).  I was the final speaker and gave three anecdotes which showed his strength, ethics, intelligence and wit.  The family members came up to me afterwards and asked if they could have a copy of my talk, which I gave them.  They did not do more than give a passing thanks to the evangelist. 

So, I may write and record my own service to prevent any jerk from using my death for his/her pulpit. 

Occam

Occam. - 22 March 2012 07:31 PM

I also had the attitude of who gives a s__t after one’s dead, however, your post reminded me of a memorial service for my best friend about twenty-five years ago.  He was very popular and had a large turn out.  He was a theist but not strongly so.  His family spoke, then another friend who was a real evangelical.  He went on and on about how he had worked with him and how he had accepted Jesus and had become so religious (none of which was true).  I was the final speaker and gave three anecdotes which showed his strength, ethics, intelligence and wit.  The family members came up to me afterwards and asked if they could have a copy of my talk, which I gave them.  They did not do more than give a passing thanks to the evangelist. 

So, I may write and record my own service to prevent any jerk from using my death for his/her pulpit. 

Occam

Hear, hear!  IMO, the best eulogy someone could give me when I die is to say that my deeds in life will be remembered with love and repspect.

I don’t give rats behind if there are religious people at my funeral or not.  It’s my party right?  I’ve already told my wife I don’t need a buncha somber religious horse crap.  A little partying (a lot would be MY preference), talk about all the stuff I’ve done, and it’s been a lot, spread the ashes at Sloppy Joes in Key West.  That’s it.

Chris

In my family we have cowboy funerals.

        Here’s the recipe.
1 hr. – Funeral home.
1 hr – Christian grave side service.
2 hr – after burial eating and saying how sorry you feel
20 cases - Coors
1 case – Jack Daniels
6 bottles – Peppermint schnapps
3 boxes – cigars
6 hr – Telling tails about the deceased

The vast amount of people are only 1-2 generations away from being completely forgotten. Like they/we never existed.
My biggest regret is not in attending the useless funerals of the few close family members of mine that have died, but of not spending more time with them
in their final weeks and hours while they were still alive.  Instead I was chasing hedonistic/nihilistic fancies.
Even attending their religious funerals didn’t wake me up to this fact.
I did vow to never attend another christian(or other)mass of burial.  I’ll go to the wake afterwards.
The main thing I learned is that I could have spent alot more time with the dying friend or relative than I did.

Vyazma   Post #22

Na, most of the time in the final weeks there is no quality time to have with them. You have to do that long before that period.

And most cowboys will leave money for their burial party.

The burial and services are a way for the living to deal with death and sorrow. The dead have no feeling. Burials have always been for the living and not the dead in our time.

Don’t worry about being forgotten.
The NSA will remember you.
The know more about you that you do. 
They have every email and phone call, face book picture you have done in the last ten years. And they will never get rid of the data on you.

Mike Yohe - 05 June 2013 11:09 AM

Vyazma   Post #22

Na, most of the time in the final weeks there is no quality time to have with them. You have to do that long before that period.

And most cowboys will leave money for their burial party.

The burial and services are a way for the living to deal with death and sorrow. The dead have no feeling. Burials have always been for the living and not the dead in our time.

Don’t worry about being forgotten.
The NSA will remember you.
The know more about you that you do. 
They have every email and phone call, face book picture you have done in the last ten years. And they will never get rid of the data on you.

Yeah, OK…bye bye.