Borowitz has done it again—this guy’s a comedic genius.

In what Romney campaign insiders are hailing as a sign that the party faithful are rallying around the former Massachusetts governor, a new poll released today shows that a majority of Republican voters agree with the statement, “I guess I have to support fucking Romney.”

Here are my two favorite line from the article:

The wins by Mr. Romney forced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich to suspend his campaign, telling reporters that he was leaving the race “to spend more time with my families.”

...and…

After sweeping five primary states Tuesday night, Mr. Romney was exultant, telling supporters in Manchester, N.H., “I love American democracy.  I’m good friends with the owners of it.”

Full article: POLL: Majority of Republicans Guess They Have to Support Fucking Romney

“You Have No Other Options Anymore.  Start Dealing With It, Losers.”

While he is a good-looking man, I cannot imagine any self-respecting woman who would Support Fucking Romney. 

Of course there are.  Oh, wait a minute.  The women with the Secret Service agents were Colombian citizens, weren’t they. 

Occam

Yeah, and the one who blew the whistle (no pun intended) is smokin’. But according to testimony, it’s a cultural thing! So it’s ok?

http://www.tmz.com/2012/04/19/secret-service-hooker-photos-prostitute/

Cap’t Jack

Thevillageatheist - 26 April 2012 09:14 AM

Yeah, and the one who blew the whistle (no pun intended) is smokin’. But according to testimony, it’s a cultural thing! So it’s ok?

http://www.tmz.com/2012/04/19/secret-service-hooker-photos-prostitute/

Cap’t Jack

Goodness, you weren’t jokin! Anyways, her fee was $800, and he only wanted to pay $30? Wow, isn’t that the height of arrogance! What made him think that she would just shut up and let it go?

Secondly, where was Mr. Veteran Secret Service Man when you needed him?

Veteran Man: (slaps Mr. Deadbeat Secret Service Man over the back of the head, and opens his wallet) “Shut up, John. Go downstairs and wait for me in the lobby. This is the last time we take you along! Ahem! Okay, Ma’m, how much do we owe you? Okay, I’ll tell you what, let’s give you a little extra so we can keep this silly little incident to ourselves, okay? Thanks!”

No one would have been the wiser…

Cloak - 26 April 2012 06:12 PM

Veteran Man: (slaps Mr. Deadbeat Secret Service Man over the back of the head, and opens his wallet) “Shut up, John. Go downstairs and wait for me in the lobby. This is the last time we take you along! Ahem! Okay, Ma’m, how much do we owe you? Okay, I’ll tell you what, let’s give you a little extra so we can keep this silly little incident to ourselves, okay? Thanks!”

No one would have been the wiser…

Ahhh, yea, what happened to them good’ol days  

Cloak - 26 April 2012 06:12 PM

Thevillageatheist - 26 April 2012 09:14 AM

Yeah, and the one who blew the whistle (no pun intended) is smokin’. But according to testimony, it’s a cultural thing! So it’s ok?

http://www.tmz.com/2012/04/19/secret-service-hooker-photos-prostitute/

Cap’t Jack

Goodness, you weren’t jokin! Anyways, her fee was $800, and he only wanted to pay $30? Wow, isn’t that the height of arrogance! What made him think that she would just shut up and let it go?

Secondly, where was Mr. Veteran Secret Service Man when you needed him?

Veteran Man: (slaps Mr. Deadbeat Secret Service Man over the back of the head, and opens his wallet) “Shut up, John. Go downstairs and wait for me in the lobby. This is the last time we take you along! Ahem! Okay, Ma’m, how much do we owe you? Okay, I’ll tell you what, let’s give you a little extra so we can keep this silly little incident to ourselves, okay? Thanks!”

No one would have been the wiser…

Indeed.  Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be a cheapskate.

And I’m sure there’s a Secret Service man’s wife somewhere saying, “Yep, that’s my husband.” 

Occam