I had a delightful time this afternoon.  My phone rang and the message machine picked up.  A guy came on suggesting that I should hire them to remove the asbestos spray-on texture coat from my ceilings.  This was in spite of my don’t-call filing.  So, having a bit of free time, I picked up the phone and said, “Why on earth would I want to remove the asbestos?”  He started to tell me about the negative effects, but I interrupted and said, “That’s all lies the 1%ers tell us 99%ers to make us die young.  Asbestos is keeping me alive.  I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day (I really haven’t smoked in over 40 years), and if it weren’t for the asbestos particles killing the cancer cells as they form, I’d have been dead years ago.”  He tried to argue with me, but I threw back every bit of techno-babble I could imagine.  He finally thanked me for my time and was still confused when he hung up. 

Occam

LOL

That’s certainly an entertaining way of dealing with unwanted soliciting.

:-D

  Ha ha, love it.

Hilarious, Occam, well done!

Occam, I’m going to start forwarding all my annoyance calls to you. 

FreeInKy - 25 June 2012 07:41 AM

Occam, I’m going to start forwarding all my annoyance calls to you. 

ditto here!

I wish i could remember the name of the book right now. I have it at home so I’ll let you know later but you would get a real kick out of it and perhaps some inspiration. Its about a retired man from australia I believe who gets his first computer and his first email account. The book is a series of real stories he relates to a younger frined of how he responds to a bunch of junk emails that he starts getting and its hilarious. I actually followed his lead and tried it on a couple of my own emails and had a lot of fun with it although I have to admit it does tend to just encourage more junk emails so beware. It was worth it though as I found it quite entertaining to string these spammers along and drive them nuts. It sounds like something right up your alley Occam.

If anyone knows the book I am referring to feel free to chime in. It was a best seller a few years back. If not I will post it later today.

macgyver - 25 June 2012 09:37 AM

although I have to admit it does tend to just encourage more junk emails so beware. It was worth it though as I found it quite entertaining to string these spammers along and drive them nuts.

I’ve seen some of these with the so-called 419 scammers, and they can be pretty funny if a times cruel. But it’s generally not a good idea to respond to spam email, for the reason you point out. Without a response the spammer doesn’t know if the email is active. A response only confirms that it is, which makes the address more valuable for resale and reuse, thus producing more spam.

I once had a guy trying to sell me a satellite dish over the phone. I knew he was a fake; he had a heavy Indian accent and his name was supposedly Peter Parker. What he was after was my Visa number, which he asked for after about 10 minutes into our conversation. So I gave it to him: I said the number was 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. He got really upset and never called back again. Peter Parker, the villain. Go figure.

Spiderman must be on hard times if he needs to steal Visa numbers.

Dealing with telemarketers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kV2lbveOg7Y 

Here it is.. “Delete This At Your Own Peril” by Bob Servant

Its a short little book but pretty funny stuff. A good lesson in what can go wrong when you give a computer to an old guy with too much time on his hands and a warped sense of humor.

Some time ago i answered emails in which i have been asked to help with a transaction

I tried to make them send me money for some paperwork, so that i may be sure they were no frauds, i called myself Dr. Klaus Brinkmann (character from a german, medical drama tv-series from the 80ies), it didnt work that well but they believed a lot of nonsense.

My way of dealing with telemarketers is that I don’t pick up the bloody phone. We have a message service on our machine so if it turns out to be somebody we want to talk to, we’ll call. If not, all they get is silence.

Of course, if you do pick up, you can always try the following greetings as soon as the computer is replaced with a live operator:

“Baptist Abortion Clinic!”

“Promise Keepers Free Love Assocciation.”

“Nation Of Islam Ku Klux Klan United!”

“Bob Jones University Atheist League!”

“Jimmy Swaggart Porno Palace!”

“Necropheliacs International. You kill ‘em, we thrill ‘em!”

“Tea Baggers For Obama!”

You get the idea!