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Heard any good jokes lately?
Posted: 30 August 2013 04:55 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 181 ]
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That is actually a problem.  As a Catholic friend once told me.  “Never give up a reason for a party.”


I like Henny but Rodney Dangerfield Imo is the king of the one liners: ” My family is stupid. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West”! “I could tell my pants hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio”!

 

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Posted: 30 August 2013 08:41 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 182 ]
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Damned iPad! That’s PARENTS. Budoom, chissss!

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Posted: 30 August 2013 03:14 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 183 ]
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Well, a bit odd, but I thought the pants typo was also funny.  LOL

Occam

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Posted: 30 August 2013 07:59 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 184 ]
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Lewinksy and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown.

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Posted: 30 August 2013 08:44 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 185 ]
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Hilarious! God, I love limericks. There once was a man from Nantucket…!


Cap’t Jack

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Posted: 02 September 2013 09:46 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 186 ]
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Cutbert:

Interesting…you have all these posts on CFI that purport to be the next big thing in theoretical physics, and yet you find simplistic play-on-words jokes funny.  Not saying that’s bad or good, just interesting.

There is much more to the world than merely physics.  Physics doesn’t even need humans, but theology-philosophy; sociology, political science, anthropology and other studies of society does.  How else we learn to laugh at ourselves. LOL

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Posted: 03 September 2013 09:58 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 187 ]
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Thevillageatheist - 30 August 2013 04:55 AM

That is actually a problem.  As a Catholic friend once told me.  “Never give up a reason for a party.”

I like Henny but Rodney Dangerfield Imo is the king of the one liners: ” My family is stupid. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West”! “I could tell my pants hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio”!

Cap’t Jack

Rodneys the best.  My wife’s a horrible cook, lemme tell ya. I don’t think toast is supposed to have bones!  Why in my house the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.  Seriously, the flies took up a collection to fix the screen door.

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Posted: 03 September 2013 10:15 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 188 ]
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Or: “I bought a used car and found my wife’s dress in the back seat”! “Last night some guy knocked on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet”. I don’t get no respect!

Cap’t Jack

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Posted: 16 September 2013 09:08 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 189 ]
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A man wakes up in the morning to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the Yellow Pages for “Bear Removers” and calls the first one he finds. The bear remover says he’ll be there in 30 minutes. When the bear remover arrives he jumps out of his van and unloads a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a ferocious Pit Bull.

“What are you going to do?” the man asks.

“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then climb up and knock the bear down with the baseball bat. When the bear falls off my Pit Bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him safely in the cage in the back of the van.”

He hands the shotgun to the man.

“What’s this for?” asks the man.

“If the bear knocks me off the roof shoot the dog.”

Edit: corrected a couple of typos

[ Edited: 26 October 2013 07:01 AM by DarronS ]
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Posted: 26 September 2013 04:21 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 190 ]
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mum is a good cook.

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Posted: 26 October 2013 06:59 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 191 ]
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Some visual entertainment.
http://photos.msn.com/slideshow/living/wild-style-zoo-portraits/23vc37cs

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Posted: 26 October 2013 10:39 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 192 ]
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Thevillageatheist - 07 August 2012 08:22 AM

And yet another cliche bar joke:

A woman walks into a bar and sits at the counter. She orders her usual and while sipping the drink here’s a voice saying “nice hair!” She looks around and finds that she’s the only one in the bar.

A minute later she hears, “nice dress!” Again, no one around. She continues enjoying her drink.

Just then she hears, “nice shoes!”

Now really freaked out she calls the bartender over and says in a shaky voice, I keep hearing someone talking but there’s no one here but you and me!

The bartender replys, “Oh that’s the peanuts; they’re complimentary”.

Cap’t Jack

Which will be understood only by people who can spell and have a good command of the English language.

Lois

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Posted: 26 October 2013 10:54 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 193 ]
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129fs238648.gif

[ Edited: 26 October 2013 11:07 PM by Write4U ]
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Posted: 26 October 2013 10:55 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 194 ]
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Lois - 26 October 2013 10:39 PM
Thevillageatheist - 07 August 2012 08:22 AM

And yet another cliche bar joke:

A woman walks into a bar and sits at the counter. She orders her usual and while sipping the drink here’s a voice saying “nice hair!” She looks around and finds that she’s the only one in the bar.

A minute later she hears, “nice dress!” Again, no one around. She continues enjoying her drink.

Just then she hears, “nice shoes!”

Now really freaked out she calls the bartender over and says in a shaky voice, I keep hearing someone talking but there’s no one here but you and me!

The bartender replys, “Oh that’s the peanuts; they’re complimentary”.

Cap’t Jack

Which will be understood only by people who can spell and have a good command of the English language.

Lois


Where ?
129fs238648.gif

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Posted: 27 October 2013 05:46 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 195 ]
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Write4U - 26 October 2013 10:55 PM

Where ?
129fs238648.gif

Look up “complementary.” Many people use “complimentary” improprely.

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