As I was discarding some ancient data disks I saw this.
Occam
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In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!”
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage.
Sticking it in my face she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.’”
As I was discarding some ancient data disks I saw this.
Occam
===
In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!”
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage.
Sticking it in my face she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.’”
True story: I grew up in a small town in Texas. As a boy, one day, I had been on a long walk, during which time I came upon some large ants who were in a mortal battle with a lot of smaller ants. When I got home, I excitedly told my mother that I had seen a real live war. From the immediate look of horror on her face, I realized that she was concerned that I could have been electrocuted.
The Dog’s Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
The Cat’s Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
I love american forums, there is still freedom of speech, they banned me for a week in a german forum after telling such a joke.
Its better to tell this jokes on the net or people you know will get out of your way, or you will be arrested .
Sometimes i think we may be sick bastards for telling such jokes… or we just have bad taste .-)
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Massexecution during WWII , People are getting shot, a small boy is next in line and he pleads to his executor “please I dont want to die now”, he answers: “okay, go to the end of the line.”
A Girl in a rural Town in Mexico is sitting in the bureau of the school psychologist, and she asks “Iam 12 years and still a virgin, could that mean that my father is a homosexual?)
Q: What is yellow, has 24 breasts and is sitting in the corner?
A: A Bag for medical waste in the oncological department of a hospital.
Great. I’ll be printing copies for my Wednesday and Thursday lunch groups. 
