1 of 2
1
Please help me with my cognitive dissonance.
Posted: 28 March 2014 08:28 AM   [ Ignore ]
Jr. Member
Avatar
RankRank
Total Posts:  44
Joined  2014-03-20

So, I’m experiencing frustration over something. First, let me paste the post on reddit I’ll be talking about:

I’m acting like a “slut” and i love it! It’s my first time being single in 5 years. Just got out of a relationship. It wasn’t bad, just long overdue for the inevitable breakup.

It’s been a couple of weeks and I’m now sleeping with two men who I have adopted as friends with benefits. One has been “on my list” for a long long time.

Prior to this I had only slept with two people. My friends are very sexually liberated and have fairly higher numbers, but they are critiquing me for doing this. They think I’m being self destructive because of the breakup.

Why?!

I’m having a lot of fun. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time because I’m young and have been in a relationship for most of my teen and adult life. I’m enjoying this so much! It’s very freeing, but it’s a little annoying that my friends are nagging me about it. Why does every sexual endeavor need an ulterior motive?

Anyways ladies, I just wanted to post this here because I love this community and I’ve lurked for a very long time. I’m exploring my sexuality in ways I never thought I would be able to. Also it’s a bit of a brag because I’m getting laid. Go me!

Now, this immediately invokes a bad feeling in my heart. I got shaky and it just felt really wrong. I’m big into gender studies, sexism, feminism, and the fuabos(sp) of men and women along with pointing out double-standards. So, one part of me is upset at her ‘slutty’ behavior; I’ve always felt pain in my heart after hearing about slutty girls. Now, I also feel this way about my guy friends. My best friend said he used websites to meet and have sex with lots of girls and it arose the same feeling in me. It’s like a mixture of embarrassment, being ashamed, and disgusted all at once.

The people in the comment section of this girl’s post were very supportive of her and referred to her actions as just ‘being single.’ And I can’t overlook my own actions—I’ve has sex with 3 different girls in a 3-day bracket once, so I can’t say I’m really any better. Can you guys help me understand what is going on in my head? Why am I so disturbed by girls being ‘slutty’ but not so much by guys being the same way? (my best friend excluded)

 Signature 

“I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.” - MewTwo

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 March 2014 08:53 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  2699
Joined  2011-04-24

Because you’re attracted to girls, therefore their sexual histories will be more important to you.

 Signature 

Raise your glass if you’re wrong…. in all the right ways.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 March 2014 08:56 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
Jr. Member
Avatar
RankRank
Total Posts:  44
Joined  2014-03-20

Can that really be all it is? Have I really just been overthinking this about myself?

 Signature 

“I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.” - MewTwo

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 March 2014 09:06 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  2699
Joined  2011-04-24
Callisto Enceladus - 28 March 2014 08:56 AM

Can that really be all it is? Have I really just been overthinking this about myself?

I think so.

Being concerned with the promiscuity of possible partners is built into us.

 Signature 

Raise your glass if you’re wrong…. in all the right ways.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 March 2014 10:19 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
Moderator
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5551
Joined  2010-06-16

Possibly it’s our culture.  Even though we’ve gotten rid of much of the female as property idea, it’s still a subconscious part of society’s thinking.  For many centuries men could screw around as much as they could manage, but their wife could even be put to death if she were caught doing that.  Remnants are still there even though women have decided to become “emancipated” and have enjoyable sexual relations as easily as men have always done. 

Wives often got annoyed at their husbands for having a mistress, but didn’t call all men horn-dogs the way women are often referred to as sluts. 

Occam

 Signature 

Succinctness, clarity’s core.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 March 2014 10:31 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
Jr. Member
Avatar
RankRank
Total Posts:  44
Joined  2014-03-20

Right. So you’re saying it’s likely societal standards that I’ve adopted through my life that are causing this kind of moral discomfort?

 Signature 

“I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.” - MewTwo

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 March 2014 11:38 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
Moderator
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5551
Joined  2010-06-16

Yeah, none of us realize how much of our thinking is formed by the society we live in.  Some of us, like most here, manage to break through some of the dumbest ones, but it’s almost impossible to get rid of most of them. 

For example, while I was able to reason my way out of the sillyness of a god when I was quite young, it was only when I was in my forties that someone challenged me, and I started examining my certainty that women, while lovely creatures, were not as bright or logical as men and were far more emotional.  Everyone in my family, men and women, accepted that, and so as I grew up did I.  I was completely disgusted at myself when I realized my stupidity at having never examined that.  Of course, most of the universal ideas society gives us are true and help us function, but we have to be careful about the strange ones that we haven’t yet erased.

Occam

[ Edited: 28 March 2014 11:41 AM by Occam. ]
 Signature 

Succinctness, clarity’s core.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 March 2014 11:50 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
Jr. Member
Avatar
RankRank
Total Posts:  44
Joined  2014-03-20
Occam. - 28 March 2014 11:38 AM

Yeah, none of us realize how much of our thinking is formed by the society we live in.  Some of us, like most here, manage to break through some of the dumbest ones, but it’s almost impossible to get rid of most of them. 

For example, while I was able to reason my way out of the sillyness of a god when I was quite young, it was only when I ws in my forties that someone challenged me, and I started examining my certainty that women, while lovely creatures, were not as bright or logical as men and were far more emotional.  Everyone in my family, men and women, accepted that, and so as I grew up did I.  I was completely disgusted at myself when I realized my stupidity at having never examined that.  Of course, most of the universal ideas society gives us are true and help us function, but we have to be careful about the strange ones that we haven’t yet erased.

Occam

I have mixed feelings here. I know of some very brilliant women who frequent Neil Degrasse Tyson’s podcast StarTalk.

But I suppose if I were to examine my everyday life and the women I interact with, or even just observe, I’d have to agree with your statement. And why does it seem like women are the majority of devout Christians? I mean, they spend all this time expressing their love for God and talking/standing up for Christianity, which is itself trying to suppress the women who are preaching it. I mean, Christianity says for women not to speak among men and to remain silent. Additionally, it views them more as maids and livestock than equal human beings. If there is a persons who should turn down Christianity, I’d say it’d have to be women—they have no reason to defend it. And my female family members just go through neverending phases of believing tons of different crap. They believe it wholeheartedly and will argue about it, but then the next time you see them, they’re into some other woo woo crap. They also tend to display this extremely abhorrent and wicked vindictiveness that is, in my opinion, the single most evil thing about women as a whole. It’s the whole reason the phrase “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Which is kind of ridiculous, because she could be the one at fault, but is still the one on a campaign to destroy the man she feels wronged her.

To be honest, the women in my life have proven to be intellectually disappointing. My mom, who whilst I was young was my intellectual hero, is now into psychics (that big haired Caputo lady), and has told me her Dad visited her as a butterfly. She’s told me she talked to a spirit and that she prays to Angels. She even prayed to an Angel to find some sentimental jewelry my Grandma lost. I mean, it’s incredibly intellectually frustrating to be around people this delusional. She dismisses organized religion, but will latch onto a woo woo self-serving crap she can. Uhg, it’s enough to make me bang my head into a wall.

Whew, that was a long anecdote and I’m not all that sure I remember where I was going with all this. But I think to sum up, my personal experiences confirm your conclusion, although I’ve observed exceptions.

 Signature 

“I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.” - MewTwo

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 March 2014 08:34 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  173
Joined  2011-11-06

In my recent Human Development course, it was asserted in our text that most males described their first sexual experiences as more “recreational” while females tended to describe their first sexual experiences in more emotional and intimate terms. Since gender lines and roles are more crossed nowadays, in all realms, it makes sense that the same is true of sexual matters. However, our mentalities and cultural and social mores are slower to adapt in comparison to our actual cultural evolution.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 29 March 2014 12:15 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  2699
Joined  2011-04-24
Callisto Enceladus - 28 March 2014 11:50 AM

But I suppose if I were to examine my everyday life and the women I interact with, or even just observe, I’d have to agree with your statement. And why does it seem like women are the majority of devout Christians? I mean, they spend all this time expressing their love for God and talking/standing up for Christianity, which is itself trying to suppress the women who are preaching it. I mean, Christianity says for women not to speak among men and to remain silent. Additionally, it views them more as maids and livestock than equal human beings. If there is a persons who should turn down Christianity, I’d say it’d have to be women—they have no reason to defend it. And my female family members just go through neverending phases of believing tons of different crap. They believe it wholeheartedly and will argue about it, but then the next time you see them, they’re into some other woo woo crap. They also tend to display this extremely abhorrent and wicked vindictiveness that is, in my opinion, the single most evil thing about women as a whole. It’s the whole reason the phrase “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Which is kind of ridiculous, because she could be the one at fault, but is still the one on a campaign to destroy the man she feels wronged her.

To be honest, the women in my life have proven to be intellectually disappointing. My mom, who whilst I was young was my intellectual hero, is now into psychics (that big haired Caputo lady), and has told me her Dad visited her as a butterfly. She’s told me she talked to a spirit and that she prays to Angels. She even prayed to an Angel to find some sentimental jewelry my Grandma lost. I mean, it’s incredibly intellectually frustrating to be around people this delusional. She dismisses organized religion, but will latch onto a woo woo self-serving crap she can. Uhg, it’s enough to make me bang my head into a wall.

 

Women are in fact more religious then men, and they’re more likely to believe in woo - the only exception to this is UFO’s, men are more likely to believe in that. It’s not due to socialization, it’s due to biology…....something that many secular humanists can’t accept.

The same is true of sexual behavior.

[ Edited: 29 March 2014 12:35 AM by mid atlantic ]
 Signature 

Raise your glass if you’re wrong…. in all the right ways.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 29 March 2014 10:00 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
Moderator
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5551
Joined  2010-06-16

Gee, we must have a monoply on highly intelligent, nontheist women in Southern California.  Maybe they migrate here where guys can appreciate them.  LOL

Of all the people I know, a bit higher ratio of males are religious and/or irrational.  Sorry you people in other parts of the country are stuck with that problem.  I suggest that each of you become a missionary of critical thinking and science to convert as many as you can of these heathens who need saving.

Occam

 Signature 

Succinctness, clarity’s core.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 29 March 2014 11:49 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  9301
Joined  2006-08-29

Sure you have a lot more smart wormen in California than any other state. They are probably better looking as well.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 30 March 2014 04:44 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  2699
Joined  2011-04-24
Occam. - 29 March 2014 10:00 AM

Gee, we must have a monoply on highly intelligent, nontheist women in Southern California.  Maybe they migrate here where guys can appreciate them.  LOL

Of all the people I know, a bit higher ratio of males are religious and/or irrational.  Sorry you people in other parts of the country are stuck with that problem.  I suggest that each of you become a missionary of critical thinking and science to convert as many as you can of these heathens who need saving.

Occam

My point about secular humanists inability to accept reality is proven right fucking here. cool grin

 Signature 

Raise your glass if you’re wrong…. in all the right ways.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 30 March 2014 04:45 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  2699
Joined  2011-04-24
George - 29 March 2014 11:49 AM

Sure you have a lot more smart wormen in California than any other state. They are probably better looking as well.

No.

 Signature 

Raise your glass if you’re wrong…. in all the right ways.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 30 March 2014 10:47 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]
Moderator
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5551
Joined  2010-06-16

I love good examples, and Mid atlantic is a very good example of a faith-based person.  It doesn’t matter whether the fairytales are religious or social, they are TRUE and don’t bother him with facts or even opinions because he’ll just yell louder.  LOL

Quoting George:

Sure you have a lot more smart wormen in California than any other state. They are probably better looking as well.

I was referring to my day to day observations, however, if I were to generalize from my former travels, I’d have to say that California, Washington, Oregon, Canada, the New England states, and south to Washington D.C. seem to me to have a higher ratio of intelligent (and attractive) women than do the other states.

See George, you’re so used to being surrounded by brilliant, beautiful women that you don’t realize how different they are in, say, the central and mid-atlantic states of the U.S.  smile

Occam

 Signature 

Succinctness, clarity’s core.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 30 March 2014 12:08 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4350
Joined  2010-08-15
Callisto Enceladus - 28 March 2014 11:50 AM

And why does it seem like women are the majority of devout Christians? I mean, they spend all this time expressing their love for God and talking/standing up for Christianity,  ...

This is a bit off topic but have you ever read

Wild Steps of Heaven*
Victor Villasenor
http://victorvillasenor.com/books/wild-steps-of-heaven/
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/wild-steps-of-heaven-victor-villasenor/1000034233?ean=9780385315692


* read, (er… listened to on tape, multiple time, though it’s quite long many cassettes to keep track of, it’s one of those books I didn’t want to end.) it many years ago, and weirdly every time I try recalling the title ‘Dancing the Wild Steps of Heaven is what comes to mind until I look it up and correct myself.

[ Edited: 30 March 2014 12:13 PM by citizenschallenge.pm ]
 Signature 

We need each other, to keep ourselves honest

Profile
 
 
   
1 of 2
1