Terrible news in my family this week
Posted: 15 August 2014 02:47 PM   [ Ignore ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4811
Joined  2007-10-05

My brother found out he has Stage IV liver cancer, and it is inoperable. Apparently it started in his colon and spread to his liver through his blood. I was at the meeting with his oncologist Monday when we got the news. He has, at best, three years to live with chemotherapy. We were both in shock. He is only 46, eats right, drinks occasionally, does not smoke and never used drugs. Then this.

His mother is 92 and has dementia, so she gets the news every day and breaks down. We’re afraid this is going to kill her before it takes out my brother. Our father is 86 and in good mental health, but has spinal stenosis and cannot take care of my stepmother. My brother has been living with them (he never married) and taking care of the house and property, and doing all the cooking. Right now he cannot even lift five pounds because he had a port put in his chest for delivering the chemo drugs. He had his first round of chemo yesterday, and is feeling good but that is one thing that has him confused. How can he be so sick and still feel good? The oncologist said without chemo he’d live about 10 weeks.

I drove to their home last Sunday and am staying a few more days until my brother can lift moderate weight and resume cooking. I plan to fly back and forth twice a month to help my parents and my brother until this is over. My wife is very supportive and told me to not worry about finding a job: she wants me to take care of my family.

This sucks in many ways. I’m losing my only surviving sibling and my stepmother is shocked every day to learn she is losing her only son.

 Signature 

“In the beginning, God created the universe. This has made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 03:28 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4576
Joined  2008-08-14

Well Darron, I guess you just gotta make the best of this. It’s a crappy hand to be dealt.
Try not to let stress, fear, or any other distractions get in the way of what’s important; mainly having a good, wholesome, loving time while everyone is still around.

 Signature 

Row row row your boat gently down the stream.  Merrily Merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream!

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 03:30 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4811
Joined  2007-10-05

You’re right, Vyazma. We plan to take a few trips and have some good times while we can. We’re hoping for at least one more trip to Denmark.

 Signature 

“In the beginning, God created the universe. This has made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 03:41 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4576
Joined  2008-08-14

Everything seems so immediate right now. Let the emotions settle. This might go for years.
You may find yourself having to continue with your own life plans during all of this.
Let things settle, in awhile if you want to look for, or find the perfect job, don’t put it off.
You gotta do multiple things at the same time…don’t get tunnel vision.
Peace.

 Signature 

Row row row your boat gently down the stream.  Merrily Merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream!

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 04:21 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  3156
Joined  2011-08-15

I’m very sorry to hear that Darron and you’re right about making the time he has remaining enjoyable for both of you. It sounds as if you have a supportive wife and believe me that really matters. One of my friends and colleagues had exactly the same condition and was the healthiest among us. His eventual death was a shock to all of us. He kept it secret until the end. Vy’s advice is IMO pretty sound. My thoughts are with you.


Can’t Jack

 Signature 

One good schoolmaster is of more use than a hundred priests.

Thomas Paine

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 05:56 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  15368
Joined  2006-02-14

Terrible news, Darron. Cancer is such an ugly foe.

Please keep us informed about this. I know it can help just to get this kind of heavy information off your chest.

My best to you and your family.

 Signature 

Doug

-:- -:—:- -:—:- -:—:- -:—:- -:—:-

El sueño de la razón produce monstruos

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 06:22 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  250
Joined  2014-03-12

That fucking sucks. Sorry this is happening. My thoughts are with you.

Danny

 Signature 

“expectation is the mother of disappointment”

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 06:42 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  2188
Joined  2007-04-26

I’m very sorry to hear that Darron. Not one to give false hope here but if its at all possible try to get a second opinion and if possible go to a major cancer center for it. Stage IV cancer is never a good thing but its not always a universal death sentence either. I have a female patient in her late 60’s who was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer with liver mets about 10 years ago and she remains in good health and free of disease to this day after a combination of aggressive surgery and chemo.

I can’t promise the same is possible for your brother, and most patients with Stage IV colon cancer will not do this well but a second opinion is a small thing to do even if there is only a remote chance of altering the outcome.

 Signature 

For every complex problem there is a solution that is simple, obvious,.... and just plain wrong

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 07:44 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
Sr. Member
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  1298
Joined  2009-10-21

Bummed to hear about this Darron. I never cared much for the X many years to live thing, but I guess they have to say something. Take it day by day. Appreciate all of them.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 07:53 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  128
Joined  2014-04-27

So sorry your family is going through this. Please consider a second opinion. Always, before any major medical event have a second opinion and sometimes a third.

See if he can get part time help in to assist. Wearing him down will not do him well. Enjoy your days, appreciate each other and make memories. Maybe see if he could consider a visual or audio journal. Take pics and vids of your outings. You will treasure them later.

Many people turn to a lot of different things to comfort and heal themselves, one thing that is never a bad thing, eating healthy. Some say eating a plant based or mostly plant based diet can help your body fight illnesses even major ones. You might want to look into that.

My thoughts are with you tonight.

MzLee

 Signature 

Religion is doing good things in fear of bad consequences. Morality is doing good things because they are good things.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 15 August 2014 08:01 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4811
Joined  2007-10-05

Thanks everyone. My brother’s oncologist suggested getting a second opinion and he’s probably going to the MD Anderson Cancer Center for that.

Mac, the problem with surgery is the cancer is so widespread that my brother would only have a 10-15 percent of surviving if the chemo knocks the tumors back enough that they could operate.

We do plan to have some good times while my brother fights this.

As for getting a job, I am not concerned with that now. I’ll continue taking fine art landscape photos and building that business. Getting a job was always just a bridge to going full-time with my photography again. I am very lucky to have a wife who is supportive and has the income to let me take care of my family.

 Signature 

“In the beginning, God created the universe. This has made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Profile
 
 
Posted: 16 August 2014 12:24 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
Sr. Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4273
Joined  2010-08-15

.
downer

 Signature 

How many times do lies need to be exposed
before we have permission to trash them?

Profile
 
 
Posted: 19 August 2014 10:00 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]
Sr. Member
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  761
Joined  2012-04-25

That’ a tough one Darron, but have hope. My uncle was in his mid 50’s when he was diagnosed with cancer and given literally months to live. He passed away this year, after beating it through chemo and force of will for almost 8 years. And those 8 years, though tough, were spent surrounded by family so they were good ones.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 19 August 2014 03:24 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]
Moderator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  7574
Joined  2007-03-02

I’m so sorry to hear that Darron.  I wish I knew what else to say, but I’m always at a loss for words in such cases.

 Signature 

Mriana
“Sometimes in order to see the light, you have to risk the dark.” ~ Iris Hineman (Lois Smith) The Minority Report

Profile
 
 
Posted: 20 August 2014 05:37 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]
Sr. Member
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  529
Joined  2014-06-20

I’m sorry to hear this Darron. What a terrible thing to happen at such a young age. I have no words of wisdom. I can only say I hope things make a turn for the better.

Lois

Profile
 
 
Posted: 22 August 2014 06:26 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]
Sr. Member
RankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  1764
Joined  2007-10-22

Hang in there Darron; life can be brutal.  You are in my thoughts.

 Signature 

Gary the Human

All the Gods and all religions are created by humans, to meet human needs and accomplish human ends.

Profile