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Accepting being gay
Posted: 21 December 2016 11:44 PM   [ Ignore ]
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If people here are LGBT, how did you accept that part of you and move on? Despite the negative stigma that still surrounds it all?

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Posted: 21 December 2016 11:57 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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Titanomachina - 21 December 2016 11:44 PM

If people here are LGBT, how did you accept that part of you and move on? Despite the negative stigma that still surrounds it all?

The same way anyone accepts anything that is stigmatized.in their lives. Being black is stigmatized. So is being in a wheelchair or having been born with a missing limb or blind or deaf.

Incidentally, it isn’t a part of you it IS you.

L

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Posted: 22 December 2016 12:02 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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I just wonder how others can be so fine with it all. It’s an extra burden to be this way. I recognize the whole “it is you” argument, but that can go either way. I can’t change it so there’s nothing I can do or “there is no hope of changing it”.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 07:14 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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Wrong question. Why change? That’s the correct question. There is nothing wrong with being gay. We need to work to educate the bigots and remove the fading social stigma of being gay. We can’t rid society of them entirely but we can push them into a corner and throw a blanket over their heads.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 09:13 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Right, it’s not a burden. Anytime someone judges you for what you are, the burden is on the person doing the judging. They have the hardened heart that causes them to stick to ancient assumptions instead of seeking understanding of what it is to be a human being by using all of the latest information available.

The “how” of it, is to find a community that gets that. It’s a bit of irony really. It’s what Jonathan Haidt did with his study about values of Conservatives and Liberals. Liberals value openess to new ideas very highly, but things like cleanliness rules and group cohesion are very low. Conservatives are more middle of the road on all of the values Haidt identifies. The irony is, liberals score well on accepting this new data about human sexuality, then create communities that protect them. Those communities can also be isolating and threatening too.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 09:34 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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Lausten - 22 December 2016 09:13 AM

Right, it’s not a burden. Anytime someone judges you for what you are, the burden is on the person doing the judging. They have the hardened heart that causes them to stick to ancient assumptions instead of seeking understanding of what it is to be a human being by using all of the latest information available.

The “how” of it, is to find a community that gets that. It’s a bit of irony really. It’s what Jonathan Haidt did with his study about values of Conservatives and Liberals. Liberals value openess to new ideas very highly, but things like cleanliness rules and group cohesion are very low. Conservatives are more middle of the road on all of the values Haidt identifies. The irony is, liberals score well on accepting this new data about human sexuality, then create communities that protect them. Those communities can also be isolating and threatening too.

It’s just that those who judge against me are willing to do things that I don’t want to reciprocate.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 11:27 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 12:02 AM

I just wonder how others can be so fine with it all. It’s an extra burden to be this way. I recognize the whole “it is you” argument, but that can go either way. I can’t change it so there’s nothing I can do or “there is no hope of changing it”.

So you have no option but to accept it, learn to live with it and make the best of it. Or you can spend your life whining and feeling sorry for yourself. It’s 100% up to you.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 11:31 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 09:34 AM
Lausten - 22 December 2016 09:13 AM

Right, it’s not a burden. Anytime someone judges you for what you are, the burden is on the person doing the judging. They have the hardened heart that causes them to stick to ancient assumptions instead of seeking understanding of what it is to be a human being by using all of the latest information available.

The “how” of it, is to find a community that gets that. It’s a bit of irony really. It’s what Jonathan Haidt did with his study about values of Conservatives and Liberals. Liberals value openess to new ideas very highly, but things like cleanliness rules and group cohesion are very low. Conservatives are more middle of the road on all of the values Haidt identifies. The irony is, liberals score well on accepting this new data about human sexuality, then create communities that protect them. Those communities can also be isolating and threatening too.

It’s just that those who judge against me are willing to do things that I don’t want to reciprocate.

Then don’t. Take the high road. There are plenty of people who live full lives beng gay. They can’t do it by trying to reciprocate against those who would judge you.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 11:32 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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LoisL - 22 December 2016 11:31 AM
Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 09:34 AM
Lausten - 22 December 2016 09:13 AM

Right, it’s not a burden. Anytime someone judges you for what you are, the burden is on the person doing the judging. They have the hardened heart that causes them to stick to ancient assumptions instead of seeking understanding of what it is to be a human being by using all of the latest information available.

The “how” of it, is to find a community that gets that. It’s a bit of irony really. It’s what Jonathan Haidt did with his study about values of Conservatives and Liberals. Liberals value openess to new ideas very highly, but things like cleanliness rules and group cohesion are very low. Conservatives are more middle of the road on all of the values Haidt identifies. The irony is, liberals score well on accepting this new data about human sexuality, then create communities that protect them. Those communities can also be isolating and threatening too.

It’s just that those who judge against me are willing to do things that I don’t want to reciprocate.

Then don’t. Take the high road. There are plenty of people who live full lives beng gay. They can’t do it by trying to reciprocate against those who would judge you.

It’s more like a fear of what others may do, that’s the main point

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Posted: 22 December 2016 12:00 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 11:32 AM

It’s more like a fear of what others may do, that’s the main point

That’s the main point, it’s just that, it’s more like, I just wonder, there’s nothing I can do, there’s no hope

This is how conversations go with you. It’s like talking to a wall. Or Marvin the depressed robot from Hitchhiker’s Guide

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Posted: 22 December 2016 12:04 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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Lausten - 22 December 2016 12:00 PM
Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 11:32 AM

It’s more like a fear of what others may do, that’s the main point

That’s the main point, it’s just that, it’s more like, I just wonder, there’s nothing I can do, there’s no hope

This is how conversations go with you. It’s like talking to a wall. Or Marvin the depressed robot from Hitchhiker’s Guide

Except it’s a very real fear though. Society hasn’t advanced far enough to the point where I do t have to fear for my life just for being this way. Especially with the way Trump is shaping his cabinet.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 12:05 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
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Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 11:32 AM
LoisL - 22 December 2016 11:31 AM
Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 09:34 AM
Lausten - 22 December 2016 09:13 AM

Right, it’s not a burden. Anytime someone judges you for what you are, the burden is on the person doing the judging. They have the hardened heart that causes them to stick to ancient assumptions instead of seeking understanding of what it is to be a human being by using all of the latest information available.

The “how” of it, is to find a community that gets that. It’s a bit of irony really. It’s what Jonathan Haidt did with his study about values of Conservatives and Liberals. Liberals value openess to new ideas very highly, but things like cleanliness rules and group cohesion are very low. Conservatives are more middle of the road on all of the values Haidt identifies. The irony is, liberals score well on accepting this new data about human sexuality, then create communities that protect them. Those communities can also be isolating and threatening too.

It’s just that those who judge against me are willing to do things that I don’t want to reciprocate.

Then don’t. Take the high road. There are plenty of people who live full lives beng gay. They can’t do it by trying to reciprocate against those who would judge you.

It’s more like a fear of what others may do, that’s the main point

People might do anything to anyone for any reason. You’re more likely to be a target of some fool if you sit in a corner shivering. Sadists look for frightened people.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 12:12 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]
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I suppose you have a point. There is a lot of what “might” happen. But that’s no reason to stop doing.

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Posted: 22 December 2016 10:54 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]
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Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 12:12 PM

I suppose you have a point. There is a lot of what “might” happen. But that’s no reason to stop doing.

Stop doing what? i didn’t say anything about stopping anything.

I have a family member who is gay. He is married to his partner and they are raising an adopted daughter. They have accepted their sexuality. They are happy and also fulfilled in their work. You have to accept yourself before you can be accepted by others.

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Posted: 23 December 2016 12:15 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]
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LoisL - 22 December 2016 10:54 PM
Titanomachina - 22 December 2016 12:12 PM

I suppose you have a point. There is a lot of what “might” happen. But that’s no reason to stop doing.

Stop doing what? i didn’t say anything about stopping anything.

I have a family member who is gay. He is married to his partner and they are raising an adopted daughter. They have accepted their sexuality. They are happy and also fulfilled in their work. You have to accept yourself before you can be accepted by others.

I hear that a lot but I’m confused by the term, acceptance…

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Posted: 23 December 2016 12:19 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]
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LoisL - 22 December 2016 10:54 PM

You have to accept yourself before you can be accepted by others.

As in honest self examination and recognition, becoming comfortable within your skin.
Appreciating that somehow your best qualities are often balanced by other qualities you don’t like, or even self destructive. 
Through serious recognition we gain a degree of control, or at least moderation and channeling.

Becoming aware of the ups and downs, ebbs and flows - not taking the moment too seriously,
remaining aware and observant and always learning a little more about one’s world and one self. 
Knowing this too shall pass, soon enough when a bummer, too soon when having a great time.  So it goes.

As for the gay thing, they really do have a struggle, but it’s more to do with the world’s reactions to them.
but, through those struggles I’ve found many of the most self aware and thoughtful talented friends I’ve made over the years are gay.
Going through that fire and surviving with your head on straight, requires some genuine inner strength,
that nice straight kids like me never need to muster and it radiate from the person.

Beyond that, it is what it is.  kiss  (excuse me while I kiss the sky   cool smile  )

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We need each other, to keep ourselves honest

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