Don’t take this personal, but I see a lot of people abusing terms like “passive aggressive”. I know what you mean, people aren’t direct. By that, I mean, own their feelings. Rather than say they are offended or they took something as an attack, they claim what said simply IS offensive, based on some standard that they can refer to but can’t articulate. They heard something on NPR, and you used a certain word, now you are a <fill in the blank>.
It seems the skill of rhetoric is now important than the skill of having a position. I’m fine with devil’s advocates or thinking things through or speculating, but say you are doing that. Instead, people take a stand, like “I’m a vegan”, without knowing what the hell they are talking about. If you have even one book about the philosophical, ethical or environmental or health issues about veganism, you can expose them in about 5 minutes with a few questions. Great fun at parties.