4. Scientifically exploring the dose/response curve between Guinness intake and sarcasm output.

3. Contemplating his navel.

2. Reposting the views he had stated all along under the guise of some checkpoint charlie thing just because he knew that the liberal-minded humanists would see this fake giveaway as a magnanimity contest and fully declare themselves atheists in reply.

oops!

narwhol - 14 July 2007 11:41 AM

okay, I’ll play

9. Patiently following a pair of Jehovah’s witnesses around, knocking on the doors they have just knocked on and asking the householder if you can have a minute of their time to convert them back to whatever they believed in before they met the witnesses.

Yes,yes, yes!. I’d add that it should be done on saturdays evening to take revenge for their cruel and nasty morning habits.

1.Getting in the last word. Oops, no that was me!

Ok, I’ll try and follow the rules so Chris doesn’t start a list mocking me. Here’s a hard one. Top 10 quotes you actually LIKE from the Bible or other religious text.

10. Ecclesiastes 2:24 There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour.

9. We completely destroyed the kingdom of Bashan, just as we had destroyed King Sihon of Heshbon. We destroyed all the people in every town we conquered – men, women, and children alike.  But we kept all the livestock for ourselves and took plunder from all the towns.  (Deuteronomy 3:7)

If you start if with the word Dude followed by a comma, it just sounds like a line from Bill and Ted.

8. “This is what you are to do” they said. “Dude, completely destroy all the males and every woman who is not a virgin.” (Judges 21:11)

7. Samuel 18:1 the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. :o

6. Sorry Ecclesiastes again; funny how the average Christian philippic doesn’t include this bit:
3:19 For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity. 
Men and animals both die and their spirits don’t survive death. “A man hath no pre-eminence above a beast ... All goeth unto one place ... Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?”
3:20 All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again. 
3:21 Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth? 
3:22 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?

5.  1 Corinthians 15:22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.Studying the new testament, as many of you may have, salvation is not so clear as it is taught in christian churches.  There are verses that talk about ALL being made new, about the spirit being poured out on ALL flesh, and here again, as all die, so shall ALL live.  I remember debating about this in bible study and being shot down - because everyone knows that the gift of salvation is only to those that will recieve it, by saying a prayer and living by the law of the bible, the narrow pathway, on and on.  Salvation is for the chosen.  My argument there was always, if god loves us, why would he not choose us all, and save even those of us who are too stupid, stubborn, rebellious whatever! to save ourselves.  The New Testament teaches that Jesus came to abolish the old way which relied on people being perfect and offering sacrafices to atone, and instead offer salvation as a free gift - but this free gift is only available to those that can wrap their heads around the concept and then give up control of their lives to this god and promise to follow the narrow path - seems like that theory is just replacing the old system with more of the same.
A true revolution of the old testament from a god that loves us, it seems to me, would be that all would be saved just cuz we’re loved and that’s it.  Anything more would be the old testament all over again.  But then if god never changes, why did he act the way he did before he sent his son?  Oh well, I just like the verse because it refutes anything else the bible has to say about some being chosen and others not which concept I think is as wicked as it gets.

And then there’s the classic contradictory pair…. (maybe this belongs in a future TT - Top Ten Contradictions in religious texts?)

1 Corinthians 10:9
We should not test the Lord, as some of them did—and were killed by snakes

Thessalonians 5:21
Test everything. Hold on to the good.

2. Invite a christian to calculate the size Noah´s Arc should be.

Right, at the risk of “Flaunting his erudition in front of us mathphobes while passing himself off as just plain folks” (Americans 10:8) here… What the hell happed to the numerical order of things here?  And why are “nice” bible quotes in a humour thread?  Let’s get on with the business in hand of being cruel to non-sceptics in a descending order.  Who would like to start us off again?

Okay, I’ll give it a try.

Top Ten questions you’d like to ask the Pope if you had a chance:

10. “Would you be interested in writing a foreword to the latest edition of the Malleus Maleficarum?”

This more like it.

9. Do you ever… have you ever…. I mean - surely… I mean you must have done, right? You know, the old… I mean - even as a teenager?  What? You’re kidding me!

8. Is it okay if I call you just “XVI”?