Loch Ness Monster Killed by Global Warming
Posted: 13 February 2008 06:41 PM   [ Ignore ]
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“LEGENDARY Nessie hunter Robert Rines is giving up his search for the monster after 37 years…Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming.”

Source.

Add that to the list of things blamed on global warming:

Acne, agricultural land increase, Africa devastated, African aid threatened, Africa hit hardest, air pressure changes, Alaska reshaped, allergies increase, Alps melting, Amazon a desert, American dream end,  amphibians breeding earlier (or not),  ancient forests dramatically changed, animals head for the hills, Antarctic grass flourishes, Antarctic ice grows, Antarctic ice shrinks, anxiety,  algal blooms, archaeological sites threatened, Arctic bogs melt, Arctic in bloom, Arctic ice free, Arctic lakes disappear, asthma, Atlantic less salty, Atlantic more salty, atmospheric defiance,  atmospheric circulation modified, attack of the killer jellyfish, avalanches reduced, avalanches increased,  Baghdad snow, bananas destroyed, bananas grow, beetle infestation, bet for $10,000,  better beer, big melt faster, billion dollar research projects, billions face risk, billions of deaths, bird distributions change, bird visitors drop, birds return early, birds driven north, blackbirds stop singing, blizzards, blue mussels return, bluetongue, boredom, bridge collapse (Minneapolis), Britain Siberian, British gardens change, brothels struggle, bubonic plague, budget increases, Buddhist temple threatened,  building collapse, building season extension, bushfires, business opportunities, business risks,  butterflies move north, camel deaths,  cancer deaths in England, cardiac arrest,  caterpillar biomass shift, cave paintings threatened, challenges and opportunities, childhood insomnia, Cholera, circumcision in decline, cirrus disappearance, civil unrest, cloud increase, cloud stripping,  cockroach migration, cod go south, coffee threatened, cold climate creatures survive, cold spells (Australia), cold wave (India), computer models, conferences, coral bleaching, coral reefs dying, coral reefs grow, coral reefs shrink ,  cold spells, cost of trillions, cougar attacks, cremation to end, crime increase, crocodile sex, crops devastated, crumbling roads, buildings and sewage systems, cyclones (Australia), damages equivalent to $200 billion,  Darfur, Dartford Warbler plague,  death rate increase (US), Dengue hemorrhagic fever, dermatitis, desert advance, desert life threatened, desert retreat,  destruction of the environment, diarrhoea, disappearance of coastal cities,  diseases move north, Dolomites collapse, drought, drowning people,  ducks and geese decline, dust bowl in the corn belt, early marriages, early spring, earlier pollen season,  Earth biodiversity crisis, Earth dying, Earth even hotter, Earth light dimming, Earth lopsided, Earth melting, Earth morbid fever, Earth on fast track, Earth past point of no return, Earth slowing down, Earth spinning out of control, Earth spins faster, Earth to explode, earth upside down,  Earth wobbling, earthquakes, El Niño intensification, end of the world as we know it, erosion, emerging infections, encephalitis, equality threatened, Europe simultaneously baking and freezing,  evolution accelerating, expansion of university climate groups, extinctions (human, civilisation,  logic, Inuit, smallest butterfly, cod, ladybirds, bats, pandas, pikas, polar bears, pigmy possums, gorillas, koalas,  walrus, whales, frogs, toads, turtles, orang-utan,  elephants, tigers, plants, salmon, trout,  wild flowers, woodlice, penguins, a million species, half of all animal and plant species, mountain species,  not polar bears, barrier reef, leaches), experts muzzled, extreme changes to California, fading fall foliage, famine, farmers go under, fashion disaster, fever,figurehead sacked, fir cone bonanza, fish catches drop, fish downsize,  fish catches rise, fish stocks at risk, fish stocks decline, five million illnesses, flesh eating disease, flood patterns change, floods,  floods of beaches and cities, flood preparation for crisis, Florida economic decline, flowers in peril, food poisoning, food prices rise, food prices soar, food security threat (SA),  footpath erosion, forest decline, forest expansion, frostbite, frosts, fungi fruitful, fungi invasion, games change, Garden of Eden wilts, genetic diversity decline, gene pools slashed, giant squid migrate, gingerbread houses collapse, glacial earthquakes, glacial retreat,  glacial growth, glacier wrapped, global cooling, global dimming, glowing clouds, god melts, golf Masters wrecked, Gore omnipresence, grandstanding, grasslands wetter, Great Barrier Reef 95% dead, Great Lakes drop,  greening of the North,  Grey whales lose weight, Gulf Stream failure, habitat loss, Hantavirus pulmonary syndrome,  harvest increase, harvest shrinkage, hay fever epidemic, hazardous waste sites breached, health affected, health of children harmed, heart disease, heart attacks and strokes (Australia), heat waves, hibernation affected,  hibernation ends too soon, hibernation ends too late, homeless 50 million, hornets, high court debates, human development faces unprecedented reversal, human fertility reduced, human health improvement, human health risk, human race oblivion, hurricanes, hurricane reduction, hydropower problems, hyperthermia deaths, ice sheet growth, ice sheet shrinkage, illness and death, inclement weather, infrastructure failure (Canada), Inuit displacement, Inuit poisoned, Inuit suing, industry threatened, infectious diseases,  inflation in China, insect explosion, insurance premium rises, invasion of cats,  invasion of herons, invasion of jellyfish, invasion of midges,  island disappears, islands sinking, itchier poison ivy, jellyfish explosion, Kew Gardens taxed, kitten boom, krill decline, lake and stream productivity decline, lake shrinking and growing, landslides, landslides of ice at 140 mph, lawsuits increase, lawsuit successful,  lawyers’ income increased (surprise surprise!), lightning related insurance claims, little response in the atmosphere, lives saved, Loch Ness monster dead, lush growth in rain forests, Lyme disease,  Malaria, malnutrition,  mammoth dung melt, Maple syrup shortage, marine diseases, marine food chain decimated, marine dead zone, Meaching (end of the world), Mediterranean rises, megacryometeors, Melanoma, methane emissions from plants, methane burps, melting permafrost, Middle Kingdom convulses, migration, migration difficult (birds), microbes to decompose soil carbon more rapidly, monkeys on the move, Mont Blanc grows, monuments imperiled, more bad air days,  more research needed, mortality increased, mountain (Everest) shrinking,  mountains break up, mountains taller, mortality lower, mudslides,  National security implications, natural disasters quadruple, new islands, next ice age, Nile delta damaged, noctilucent clouds, no effect in India, Northwest Passage opened, nuclear plants bloom, oaks dying,  oaks move north, oblivion, ocean acidification, ocean deserts expand, ocean waves speed up, opera house to be destroyed, outdoor hockey threatened,  oyster diseases, ozone loss, ozone repair slowed, ozone rise, Pacific dead zone, personal carbon rationing, pest outbreaks, pests increase, phenology shifts,  plankton blooms, plankton destabilised, plankton loss, plant viruses, plants march north,  polar bears aggressive, polar bears cannibalistic,  polar bears drowning, polar bears starve,  polar tours scrapped, porpoise astray, profits collapse, psychosocial disturbances, puffin decline,  railroad tracks deformed, rainfall increase, rainfall reduction, rape wave, refugees, reindeer larger, release of ancient frozen viruses, resorts disappear, rice threatened, rice yields crash,  riches, rift on Capitol Hill, rioting and nuclear war,  rivers dry up, river flow impacted, rivers raised, roads wear out, rockfalls, rocky peaks crack apart, roof of the world a desert, rooftop bars, Ross river disease,  ruins ruined, salinity reduction, salinity increase,  Salmonella, salmon stronger, satellites accelerate, school closures, sea level rise, sea level rise faster, seals mating more, sewer bills rise, severe thunderstorms, sex change, sharks booming, sharks moving north, sheep shrink, shop closures, short-nosed dogs endangered, shrimp sex problems, shrinking ponds, shrinking shrine, ski resorts threatened, slow death, smaller brains, smog, snowfall increase, snowfall heavy, snowfall reduction,  soaring food prices, societal collapse, songbirds change eating habits, sour grapes, space problem, spiders invade Scotland, squid population explosion, squirrels reproduce earlier, spectacular orchids, storms wetter, stormwater drains stressed, street crime to increase,  suicide, Tabasco tragedy, taxes, tectonic plate movement, teenage drinking, terrorism, threat to peace, ticks move northward (Sweden), tides rise, tornado outbreak, tourism increase, trade barriers, trade winds weakened, tree beetle attacks, tree foliage increase (UK), tree growth slowed, trees could return to Antarctic, trees in trouble, trees less colourful,  trees more colourful, trees lush, tropics expansion, tropopause raised, tsunamis, turtles crash, turtles lay earlier, UK coastal impact, UK Katrina, Vampire moths, Venice flooded, volcanic eruptions, walrus displaced, walrus pups orphaned, walrus stampede, war, wars over water, wars sparked, wars threaten billions, water bills double, water supply unreliability, water scarcity (20% of increase), water stress, weather out of its mind, weather patterns awry, weeds, Western aid cancelled out,  West Nile fever, whales move north, wheat yields crushed in Australia, white Christmas dream ends, wildfires, wind shift, wind reduced,  wine - harm to Australian industry, wine industry damage (California),  wine industry disaster (US),  wine - more English, wine -German boon, wine - no more French ,  winters in Britain colder, winter in Britain dead, wolves eat more moose, wolves eat less, workers laid off, World bankruptcy, World in crisis, World in flames, Yellow fever.

Whoops.  I just noticed, Nessie’s demise was already on the list! 

I wonder if Bigfoot will start shedding hair to cope with global warming? 

UFOs will now probably have to fly around the skies with their windows down to keep cool.

Primitive people blamed every bad event in and out of their control on the gods, spirits and magic.  Modern people have just substituted the gods, spirits and magic for global warming.  And woe be unto those who do not believe!

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Posted: 13 February 2008 07:07 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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I think they’re wrong, Rocinante.  I’m sure Nessie was killed by the high intensity sonar that U.S. navy is testing for use to detect submarines. LOL

Occam

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Posted: 14 February 2008 07:03 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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Occam, you are partially right, the trouble were the evil electromagnetic waves: Nessie died of cancer, produced by the cel phone usage. 

Or Maybe he is alive now, but he got autism produced by mercury in the vaccines.

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Posted: 14 February 2008 10:37 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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Actually, I heard global warming was actually caused by methane in Nessie’s flatus, so in that sense she really commited suicide.

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Posted: 16 February 2008 03:31 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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An atheist was fishing in Loch Ness when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness Monster. The monster tossed the atheist out of his boat and into the water.  Then the monster swam toward the man with its mouth wide open ready to swallow him.

As the man swam as fast as he could toward shore a huge wave from the monster’s flipper tossed the man up into the air even nearer to the monster’s waiting mouth.  As he stared death in the monster’s face, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Help me!”

Suddenly everything froze.  The monster no longer moved, the water stopped mid-wave and the atheist hung in mid-air.  Then a booming voice thundered down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”

“Come on God, give me a break!!” the atheist pleaded. “Thirty seconds ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!”

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There are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by the gradual and silent encroachment of those in power, than by violent and sudden usurpation.

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Posted: 16 February 2008 03:49 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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You actually believe Nessie really lived?

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Mriana
“Sometimes in order to see the light, you have to risk the dark.” ~ Iris Hineman (Lois Smith) The Minority Report

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Posted: 16 February 2008 07:19 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Mriana - 16 February 2008 03:49 PM

You actually believe Nessie really lived?

No.  Nor do I believe in Anthropogenic Catastrophic Global Warming (Gasp!  I’m an infidel and heretic!  smile )  So in my opinion, from whichever angle I view the story, it belongs in the Pseudoscience Area.  grin

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There are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by the gradual and silent encroachment of those in power, than by violent and sudden usurpation.

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Posted: 16 February 2008 09:51 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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I was going to say…  Nessie maybe a cute dino on a video game, but in reality she just does not exist.

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“Sometimes in order to see the light, you have to risk the dark.” ~ Iris Hineman (Lois Smith) The Minority Report

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Posted: 17 February 2008 08:12 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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Rocinante - 16 February 2008 07:19 PM

Anthropogenic Catastrophic Global Warming

Well, anthropogenic is pretty well established. As for “catastrophic” ... that still appears to be up in the air. But, one could argue, better safe than sorry. Even a modest rise in sea levels will be tragic for many poorer communities living in low-lying places like Bangladesh.

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Posted: 17 February 2008 09:19 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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dougsmith - 17 February 2008 08:12 AM

Well, anthropogenic is pretty well established.

Less Than Half of all Published Scientists Endorse Global Warming Theory

dougsmith - 17 February 2008 08:12 AM

As for “catastrophic” ... that still appears to be up in the air. But, one could argue, better safe than sorry. Even a modest rise in sea levels will be tragic for many poorer communities living in low-lying places like Bangladesh.

Anthropogenic Catastrophic Global Warming (ACGW) has gone beyond a bandwagon and is approaching mass hysteria.  When nearly every real or potential change in our world is blamed on global warming then I think it is time for the ACGWers to just stop and take a deep breath before they hyperventilate from spouting off dire warning after dire warning. 

Calls for cleaning up our environment are a good thing (even though that’s not the true goal of many ACGWers).  But the calls for a cleaner environment would sound much saner and help spur legitimate action if the ACGW proponents didn’t go so far overboard in their hysterical claims.  And this includes realizing that any change in climate is not automatically bad for humans and animals (real or imagined in the case of the Loch Ness Monster.)  The mere fact that nearly 100% of the predictions by ACGW proponents are negative for humans should be viewed skeptically.  If I throw 100 coins on the floor and predict that every single one of them will land tails up, that would be ridiculous.  Some of them would almost certainly land heads up.  The same is true of any change in the climate.  Some changes might be bad.  But other changes would be good.  Humans have been adapting to the changing climate since our ancestors climbed down from the trees.     

ACGW has become a guilt-based religion.  And like most such religions, those who preach the loudest are also the biggest hypocrites.  Like many religions, it has spurred calls for unhygienic practices to please God or Gaia or whomever.  And, as is so often the case with religion, it has some calling for the unbelievers to be punished.

When the ACGW proponents start acting more rationally, they will be able to do more good for the environment than they are currently doing.  But the Loch Ness Monster will still cease to exist.  She died off during the Great Global Cooling Second Ice Age of the 1970s!  wink

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There are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by the gradual and silent encroachment of those in power, than by violent and sudden usurpation.

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Posted: 17 February 2008 07:33 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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Rocinante - 17 February 2008 09:19 AM

Less Than Half of all Published Scientists Endorse Global Warming Theory

Dunno, Rocinante, that article you provided (re. the Oreskes paper) appears to me to show that 6% of published papers reject global warming. The other 94% either accept it explicity, implicitly, or are simply “neutral” which I take to mean that they simply don’t mention it. However, see below. It may be that even this is a misinterpretation of the paper.

Lending credence to this interpretation, we can see here: “With the July 2007 release of the revised statement by the American Association of Petroleum Geologists, no remaining scientific body of national or international standing is known to reject the basic findings of human influence on recent climate.

This includes:

U.S. National Research Council
American Meteorological Society
American Geophysical Union
American Institute of Physics
American Astronomical Society
American Physical Society
American Association for the Advancement of Science
Stratigraphy Commission of the Geological Society of London
Geological Society of America
American Chemical Society
Engineers Australia (The Institution of Engineers Australia)
The Canadian Meteorological and Oceanographic Society

I should add that this page also reviews the Oreskes paper mentioned previously. This is how they interpret it:

A 2004 article by geologist and historian of science Naomi Oreskes summarized a study of the scientific literature on climate change. The essay concluded that there is a scientific consensus on the reality of anthropogenic climate change. The author analyzed 928 abstracts of papers from refereed scientific journals between 1993 and 2003, listed with the keywords “global climate change”. Oreskes divided the abstracts into six categories: explicit endorsement of the consensus position, evaluation of impacts, mitigation proposals, methods, paleoclimate analysis, and rejection of the consensus position. 75% of the abstracts were placed in the first three categories, thus either explicitly or implicitly accepting the consensus view; 25% dealt with methods or paleoclimate, thus taking no position on current anthropogenic climate change; none of the abstracts disagreed with the consensus position, which the author found to be “remarkable”. According to the report, “authors evaluating impacts, developing methods, or studying paleoclimatic change might believe that current climate change is natural. However, none of these papers argued that point.”

... so here we have the claim that that paper found no rejections of the consensus position.

[ Edited: 17 February 2008 07:41 PM by dougsmith ]
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