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Why do I feel so alone??
Posted: 10 December 2008 11:00 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 16 ]
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There are times when the isolation does bother me. It’s just tiresome at times whereas you feel you must constantly conceal your thoughts on the “GOD” subject from close friends and family members. I’ve come out to my father a few months back and this was not easy. Don’t get me wrong he didn’t kick me out or try and convert me or anything like that mind you…but I do sense that it is a decision that truly does and did bother him to a great deal. Least he tells me he wishes to understand why I “feel” the way I do about this subject. And as I’ve told him many a time it was not a decision I came to lightly but after I cannot remember how many times at night praying “GOD” would make all the bad things in my life simply go away, or that times when I really really felt I was believing I got anything for it. But the bigger straw that broke the camels back was just asking “WHY” all the things I have gone through in my life that have happened to us, to me.

I just could no longer fathom an “all loving just GOD” letting my mother be more addicted to gambling and drinking then she was me, or the drug abuse…too many times coming home to a fridge with nothing to eat. Having to stay at a friends house just to have food and warmth…breaking into the library to study and get heat…sleeping in subway tunnels…eating out of trash cans. For 3 years during JHS. This was my life. Wearing the same clothes day in day out, not knowing if you were going to make it through the day. Taking newspaper stuffing it between your clothes to keep warm. Or worse yet going to a shelther getting robbed and beat up by others homeless. All the memories I have of that…those experiences will be something I can never shake. Can never get rid of. I was only 11 when it all started why the need for all that? What kind of GOD puts that on a child? It just became too much to entertain and I could do this no longer.

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Posted: 10 December 2008 04:24 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 17 ]
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I’m sorry to hear you were put through a lot of trauma at a vulnerable time in life. No young person should have to go through that. After decades of work, psychological science has produced research backed methods for dealing with the after effects of trauma when they occur:

short term cognitive therapy:
http://www.feelinggood.com/

trauma model therapy for ‘deeper’ work: (He also writes spiritual books but these are unrelated to his peer reviewed trauma model work.)
http://rossinst.com/trauma_model.html


Joe

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Posted: 10 December 2008 06:39 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 18 ]
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AtheistBlack25 - 10 December 2008 11:00 AM

There are times when the isolation does bother me. It’s just tiresome at times whereas you feel you must constantly conceal your thoughts on the “GOD” subject from close friends and family members. I’ve come out to my father a few months back and this was not easy. Don’t get me wrong he didn’t kick me out or try and convert me or anything like that mind you…but I do sense that it is a decision that truly does and did bother him to a great deal. Least he tells me he wishes to understand why I “feel” the way I do about this subject. And as I’ve told him many a time it was not a decision I came to lightly but after I cannot remember how many times at night praying “GOD” would make all the bad things in my life simply go away, or that times when I really really felt I was believing I got anything for it. But the bigger straw that broke the camels back was just asking “WHY” all the things I have gone through in my life that have happened to us, to me.

I just could no longer fathom an “all loving just GOD” letting my mother be more addicted to gambling and drinking then she was me, or the drug abuse…too many times coming home to a fridge with nothing to eat. Having to stay at a friends house just to have food and warmth…breaking into the library to study and get heat…sleeping in subway tunnels…eating out of trash cans. For 3 years during JHS. This was my life. Wearing the same clothes day in day out, not knowing if you were going to make it through the day. Taking newspaper stuffing it between your clothes to keep warm. Or worse yet going to a shelther getting robbed and beat up by others homeless. All the memories I have of that…those experiences will be something I can never shake. Can never get rid of. I was only 11 when it all started why the need for all that? What kind of GOD puts that on a child? It just became too much to entertain and I could do this no longer.

AB25-All of those experiences you mentioned above helped shape who you are.I hope you developed a strength from these trials.Use them to go forward man.I think you can be loving and supportive to your family and friends without having to bring god into it.I’m sure your Dad will always understand your angles.If your Mom can’t handle the fact that you’re an atheist,then don’t bring it up.Show her love and support,this will be “gods work"by any standard.I don’t know what you do now,but move forward brother.
Always embrace any internal struggles within yourself concerning “god”,with a smile and a sense of momentum.Know how god has affected you and how the people around you depend on god.Everyone needs some sort of peace.Let people have their peace,and don’t let them hinder you from getting yours.Obviously you have known religion.You know it can bring harmony to your family and friends.Let that flow,don’t make it some issue.You have become a non-believer,you have that.It wont get you much.Just your own sense of self-understanding,and an ability to empathize with other atheists.
The bottom line is:you may have realized that god didn’t answer your prayers,that there is no higher being to guide you through life.Being an atheist isn’t going to help you in that department either.Make your own prayers,and answer them yourself.

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Posted: 11 December 2008 08:56 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 19 ]
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VYAZMA - 10 December 2008 06:39 PM
AtheistBlack25 - 10 December 2008 11:00 AM

There are times when the isolation does bother me. It’s just tiresome at times whereas you feel you must constantly conceal your thoughts on the “GOD” subject from close friends and family members. I’ve come out to my father a few months back and this was not easy. Don’t get me wrong he didn’t kick me out or try and convert me or anything like that mind you…but I do sense that it is a decision that truly does and did bother him to a great deal. Least he tells me he wishes to understand why I “feel” the way I do about this subject. And as I’ve told him many a time it was not a decision I came to lightly but after I cannot remember how many times at night praying “GOD” would make all the bad things in my life simply go away, or that times when I really really felt I was believing I got anything for it. But the bigger straw that broke the camels back was just asking “WHY” all the things I have gone through in my life that have happened to us, to me.

I just could no longer fathom an “all loving just GOD” letting my mother be more addicted to gambling and drinking then she was me, or the drug abuse…too many times coming home to a fridge with nothing to eat. Having to stay at a friends house just to have food and warmth…breaking into the library to study and get heat…sleeping in subway tunnels…eating out of trash cans. For 3 years during JHS. This was my life. Wearing the same clothes day in day out, not knowing if you were going to make it through the day. Taking newspaper stuffing it between your clothes to keep warm. Or worse yet going to a shelther getting robbed and beat up by others homeless. All the memories I have of that…those experiences will be something I can never shake. Can never get rid of. I was only 11 when it all started why the need for all that? What kind of GOD puts that on a child? It just became too much to entertain and I could do this no longer.

AB25-All of those experiences you mentioned above helped shape who you are.I hope you developed a strength from these trials.Use them to go forward man.I think you can be loving and supportive to your family and friends without having to bring god into it.I’m sure your Dad will always understand your angles.If your Mom can’t handle the fact that you’re an atheist,then don’t bring it up.Show her love and support,this will be “gods work"by any standard.I don’t know what you do now,but move forward brother.
Always embrace any internal struggles within yourself concerning “god”,with a smile and a sense of momentum.Know how god has affected you and how the people around you depend on god.Everyone needs some sort of peace.Let people have their peace,and don’t let them hinder you from getting yours.Obviously you have known religion.You know it can bring harmony to your family and friends.Let that flow,don’t make it some issue.You have become a non-believer,you have that.It wont get you much.Just your own sense of self-understanding,and an ability to empathize with other atheists.
The bottom line is:you may have realized that god didn’t answer your prayers,that there is no higher being to guide you through life.Being an atheist isn’t going to help you in that department either.Make your own prayers,and answer them yourself.

Thank you very much for your words of brotherhood and support. My mother has been deceased for quite some time almost 8 years. It’s okay you did not know. I’ve never been one to concern myself with her thoughts of me even as a child because let’s face it she is the one whom left me. My dad still not sure about him at times. He loves to challenege me on it, and I on his Baptist faith…I used to go to church with him to their Bible Study groups simply because I enjoy the people. Their views are entirely another matter all together. They have never made me feel isolated personally, but I can sense the contention from them at times where what I have to say about their GOD…make them quite uneasy.

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Posted: 14 December 2008 04:47 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 20 ]
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First, separate the fact that you are of African descent from the fact that you are atheist.  All atheists feel lonely, regardless of the color of their skin.  So your white and red and yellow brothers feel your pain.  (I myself am kind of pale and freckled.) One does not have to be black to sympathize.

You are not an African-American, unless you hold dual citizenship.  You are just plain American, as American as I am, and in fact your ancestors have probably been in this country longer than most of mine.  In fact, as Mr. Obama becomes President Obama, I suggest we ban the term African-American from the English language.  You are just people, just like everyone else.  You are not a subset with special needs.  That is equality.  That is America as it should be!

Take heart, my brother from another mother!

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When I was 15 years old, I could no longer reconcile religion with reality, and I knew one of them would have to go.  It still amazes me how many people make the other choice.

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Posted: 15 December 2008 10:36 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 21 ]
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fausinator - 14 December 2008 04:47 PM

First, separate the fact that you are of African descent from the fact that you are atheist.  All atheists feel lonely, regardless of the color of their skin.  So your white and red and yellow brothers feel your pain.  (I myself am kind of pale and freckled.) One does not have to be black to sympathize.

You are not an African-American, unless you hold dual citizenship.  You are just plain American, as American as I am, and in fact your ancestors have probably been in this country longer than most of mine.  In fact, as Mr. Obama becomes President Obama, I suggest we ban the term African-American from the English language.  You are just people, just like everyone else.  You are not a subset with special needs.  That is equality.  That is America as it should be!

Take heart, my brother from another mother!

Don’t think what you said falls on deaf ears, it does not. I would argue there are sufficient background cultural differences between both you and I, and the common bond we share is both American and humanistic. Not saying my brothers of other colors do not feel my pain but it is quite hard when you are around groups that are the more reflective lets say of my darker color. Don’t get me wrong I feel more akin to my intellectual and philosophical comrades than I do with my so called “peoples” that just so happen by accident of birth and location to more mirror myself. I do not know if anyone has ever told you to your face that somehow by being an atheist you are no longer apart of the “black community”.

To feel as if to be a cultural vagabond amongst what is supposed to be the people that should understand your experiences slightly better than others is a true travesty of the lack of intelligence among them. I feel sorry for them.

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Posted: 15 December 2008 12:02 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 22 ]
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I know what you mean, I would rather have to tell my fellow African Americans that I were a Republican,  than to share that I were Atheist! The first matter at least gets some understanding, but the later tends to garner revulsion.

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Posted: 15 December 2008 12:12 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 23 ]
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Well, then there’s Neil de Grasse Tyson ...

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Posted: 15 December 2008 12:16 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 24 ]
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asanta - 15 December 2008 12:02 PM

I know what you mean, I would rather have to tell my fellow African Americans that I were a Republican,  than to share that I were Atheist! The first matter at least gets some understanding, but the later tends to garner revulsion.

Exactly. Granted now I have told some AA friends of mine that I am an atheist. The reaction was lets just say less than one of tolernace, mind you this is from the ever minded Christian tolerant preaching folks.

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Posted: 16 December 2008 05:08 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 25 ]
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dougsmith - 15 December 2008 12:12 PM

Well, then there’s Neil de Grasse Tyson ...

Yeah, but he’s the sexiest astrophysicist alive! You can get away with a lot when you’re that hot!!! tongue wink

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Posted: 16 December 2008 11:19 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 26 ]
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asanta - 16 December 2008 05:08 PM
dougsmith - 15 December 2008 12:12 PM

Well, then there’s Neil de Grasse Tyson ...

Yeah, but he’s the sexiest astrophysicist alive! You can get away with a lot when you’re that hot!!! tongue wink

I’ll second that!!!

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