I think we have to differentiate between religiously oriented death services and other.  Last year I went to the memorial service for a good friend held at the local Unitarian church.  He was brilliant human, a strong atheist, a dedicated instructor at a nearby college, a decent guitarist, and a fervent humanist.  A number of us gave eulogies; a tape of him playing two folk songs were played and we all sang to them.  The present minister wasn’t invited to speak, however the emeritis minister, an outspoken atheist, was one of those giving a eulogy. 

This service had nothing to do with theology, but rather was a time to recall a wonderful person, a friend to all of us, and recognize our loss. 

Occam

Occam - 20 December 2008 02:11 PM

I think we have to differentiate between religiously oriented death services and other.  Last year I went to the memorial service for a good friend held at the local Unitarian church.  He was brilliant human, a strong atheist, a dedicated instructor at a nearby college, a decent guitarist, and a fervent humanist.  A number of us gave eulogies; a tape of him playing two folk songs were played and we all sang to them.  The present minister wasn’t invited to speak, however the emeritis minister, an outspoken atheist, was one of those giving a eulogy. 

This service had nothing to do with theology, but rather was a time to recall a wonderful person, a friend to all of us, and recognize our loss. 

Occam

sounds like the kind of funeral I’d like for myself….too bad I won’t be around to enjoy it! On another note, I think I’ll have to make sure my sons write out their atheistic wishes in case they predecease me. Their father and stepmother would insist on a religious ceremony otherwise.

asanta - 20 December 2008 01:46 AM

I just returned from the Lutheran funeral of my dear sweet favorite aunt. I would not have missed the funeral to support my cousins and uncle for the world. Yes, it was Lutheran, and yes, I am a-theist, but it was far more important to support my loved ones in their moments of grief, than to push my own dogma. As for MY funeral, it will be TOTALLY secular, and I expect that family members who are religious will attend to support my family members as well.

Exactly my view of things, Asanta. It’s ultimately about what kind of friend you are, not how much of a zealot you are. Heck, don’t we
see enough examples of exclusionist fanaticism on the other side of the aisle for us to want not to be that way?

Speaking of funerals, my after-death rites are also going to be totally secular. I told my wife I want her to fly my ashes to Europe and
dump them in the Mediterranean. I like the idea of spending eternity being slowly distributed through the length and breadth of the sea
that was the medium for so much excellent cultural cross-fertilization over the millenia.

I told my wife that I then expected her to go rent herself a couple of willing Mediterranean pool-boys with the insurance money.

steveg144 - 22 December 2008 12:57 PM

I told my wife that I then expected her to go rent herself a couple of willing Mediterranean pool-boys with the insurance money.

They can then proceed to celebrate your life! Sounds like a great plan to Me!

BitterSweet - 16 December 2008 05:39 PM

Hello all - I did a quick search and didn’t see a topic devoted to this, so here goes…

I’m not sure this will happen, but I believe a friend may ask me to a child’s baptism in the near future. I don’t know if my friend believes in all the tenets of the church (more liberal, mostly bible based), some of them, or which are discarded. I do know that I would not be comfortable with this aspect of my friend’s child rearing.

It also brings to light a conversation we had earlier this year where I said that I had to stop hanging out with some of my Xian friends due to my non-belief (I’m a soft agnostic). It was my choice because I couldn’t deal with their viewpoints and that they’re indoctrinating their children. I don’t agree with indoctrination of one religion and not giving a child a real choice or educating them about *everything* that’s out there and letting them decide for themselves. My friend knows I don’t believe in anything and that I’m still a bit angry about being indoctrinated for years myself, and expressed concern that I would drop a friendship based on this.

Is there a way to politely decline (if I’m invited) without making anyone feel badly? I know I won’t feel like a bad friend if I don’t go - I don’t support it, so going is like lying to them. I don’t know how my friend and family would feel. And I know if the religious teaching of the child is continued that I can’t support that either.

This really sucks. :(

I say go.

But first get some popcorn, a big styrofoam hand with #1 on it, a rainbow colored afro and some red and white paint.

Take off your shirt. Paint one half of your face, neck and torso red and the other side white.

Sit in the back pew and cheer on Jebus while eating popcorn, and if you can try and get the congregation to do the wave.

“Here we go Jebus, here we go!”