December 30, 2013
Justin Bieber is…
Justin Bieber is Anakin Skywalker. A young, prodigiously talented kid gets recognized as such by an established member of the musical order by chance circumstances. They transplant him to another world and mentor him in their ways.
As he grows he becomes obstinate, emotional, destructive. He is whiney. A darkness broods in him. He feels his power is not respected, not properly recognized. He is attracted to the power of the dark side, the fame of shitty pop music. He gets a robotic arm, for some reason or another.
He is manipulated by dark forces, his destiny controlled by those he trusts. They twist him for their own purposes, their own accumulation of power. He senses this but cannot articulate it, and cannot resist the dark side’s temptations.
He and his girlfriend break up. His former mentor shows concern for him, urging him to grow up. He becomes more machine than man, his face a mask, and in horror he realizes that he now caters solely to the needs of his overlords. He tries to quit that life, but they do not let him.
He accepts his lot, damned to produce shitty pop music for the majority of his career for the evil empire.
The tragedy will continue until, late in life and just before his death, he will find redemption, except he will be really ugly then, his body representing the damage done to his artistic soul in service to his master.
Future Bieber, playing the harmonica.
About the Author: Seth KurtenbachSeth Kurtenbach is pursuing his PhD in computer science at the University of Missouri. His current research focuses on the application of formal logic to questions about knowledge and rationality. He has his Master's degree in philosophy from the University of Missouri, and is growing an epic beard in order to maintain his philosophical powers. You can email Seth at Seth.Kurtenbach@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter: @SJKur.
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