The Course of Reason

BREAKING: In Wake of DOMA Decision, Humane Shelters Report Record Adoption Rates

June 26, 2013

Man with dogFollowing the Supreme Court’s declaration that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional, humane shelters nationwide are reportedly adopting out at record rates.

“We couldn’t have asked for a better ruling,” says Irene Sternberg, head of the Amherst Pets Shelter in Amherst, NY. “Now all of our animals will be part of loving, caring families.”

DOMA defined marriage as “one man, one woman” on the federal level, but activists have been fighting to get that definition overturned. That fight was finally won on June 26, 2013 when, after working its way through the federal system, the Supreme Court ruled that enforcement of DOMA violated the equal protection clause.

In front of the Amherst Pets Shelter, we spoke with Coty Grenville, head of the local chapter of “People for the Marriage of Animals,” a national lobbyist organization that works to promote understanding of interspecies marriage.

“We finally did it,” said a tearful Coty, holding a dachshund-chihuahua mix named Missy. “The hours of work put in by our volunteers in organizing local rallies, parades, and writing letters to their representatives were not for naught.”

As of this writing, the Amherst Pets Shelter has had to enact a limit of one-adoption-per-person due to the high demand. Stocks are not expected to last past 3 p.m. today however, and wait times are over an hour. As a consolation for those who did not make it early enough to find a spouse, the shelter is offering a coupon for one free wedding ceremony at their newly opened chapel on location.

This victory is just one step for those fighting for the right for their marriages to be recognized, as there is still much work to be done. Keep an eye out for General Electric v. The State of California, where the constitutionality of Proposition 100W is to be challenged.



About the Author: Harrison Hopkins

Harrison Hopkins's photo
Harrison Hopkins is the president and founder of the Secular Student Alliance at Presbyterian College and secretary for the school's Gay-Straight Alliance. He is currently studying Psychology. In 2011, Harrison successfully challenged the school-endorsed prayer at his commencement ceremony with assistance from the Freedom From Religion Foundation.


#1 april mendez on Wednesday June 26, 2013 at 2:40pm

I don't think the satire carries well considering the ongoing struggle and news surrounding this issue.




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