The Course of Reason

Swiping Left on the Religious

June 1, 2017

“Find yourself a good Christian man,” my grandmother once told me. I giggled to myself a little. She has no idea I am an atheist and as such I have no intentions of marrying a Christian man, or any religious person.

Is it wrong of me to say that – to turn someone down based on their faith?

A similar question was posed on an atheist Facebook group a while ago and it has stuck with me since. An atheist man had recently begun dating a woman who is a Christian, but determines he is no longer able to be with her even though he still loves and cares for her. He feels dating a Christian is not best for his relationship, nor for his future children. It bothers him enough that he ends up calling the relationship off. He then turns to his atheist community, explaining his story, and looking for general support.

I was flabbergasted by the responses. Fellow atheists tore into the original poster, calling him selfish and closed-minded for rejecting her based on her faith. It was determined by many that “love is all that matters.” There were those who understood, but there seemed to be an overwhelming number of atheists who asserted that the religious beliefs of a partner do not, and should not, matter. I wondered if I was in the wrong group.

I love lots of people. I have plenty of friends both religious and non-religious. I don’t mind differing viewpoints and appreciate my friends who challenge me. However when it comes to sharing my life, living with someone, and raising children, I am a bit more selective than I am with my friends. I want someone who I can confide in who will understand my issues, who I don’t have to tiptoe around, and most importantly, who accepts and complements my lifestyle.

> For Christians they may turn to ChristianMingle – a site specifically for helping Christians find other Christians – to find such people. This is where people with mentalities like my grandmother’s can go online to find their good Christian men and women. Some religions won’t even allow interfaith marriages, requiring conversions or extra paperwork before acknowledging their union as a couple. This is not a new subject, and the religious have a good argument to wanting to find someone who shares their faith: they know that person will support their faith, help it continue to grow, and eventually pass it on to their children. Why should atheists feel any differently? Religion, or lack thereof, is not just an indication of what time someone wakes up on Sunday; it’s a worldview. It’s how people derive meaning from their life, how they believe the world works or should work, and what they think happens after we close our eyes for the last time, and those things are incredibly important to me. I want someone who understands what not having religion is like and can see its influence on our world as an outsider, how it permeates our lives unknowingly. I need a partner who I know will help me figure this world out together, throwing away the lens of religion.

So I set out to find myself a good atheist man instead (or woman, but don’t tell grandma quite yet, she’s had enough for one day.)



About the Author: Vicki Smith

Vicki Smith's photo
Vicki is a graduate of Central Michigan University. She majored in biochemistry and minored in environmental geology, but found herself drawn to the secular movement through her on-campus group Dogma-Free Society: A Chapter of the Secular Student Alliance where she was president for three years. Her passions include eliminating negative stigma for atheists and other non-believers, keeping church and state separate, and increasing scientific literacy and evidence-based inquiry. She is a summer 2017 intern for the CFI Outreach Department!




Guests may not post URLs. Registration is free and easy.

Remember my personal information

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Enter the word that goes in the blank: CFI is short for "______ for Inquiry"

Creative Commons License

The Course of Reason is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

CFI blog entries can be copied or distributed freely, provided:

  • Credit is given to the Center for Inquiry and the individual blogger
  • Either the entire entry is reproduced or an excerpt that is considered fair use
  • The copying/distribution is for noncommercial purposes