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Heard any good jokes lately?
Posted: 28 September 2015 03:25 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 226 ]
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CuthbertJ - 28 September 2015 10:07 AM

I can’t recall if I posted this one before, but it’s one of my faves so i’ll repost:

QUESTION: What’s worse than a worm in your apple?

ANSWER: The Holocaust.

I don’t find anything funny about that one… <shrug>

The answer I had always heard, was: ‘Half a worm’.

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Posted: 28 September 2015 07:38 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 227 ]
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citizenschallenge.pm - 27 September 2015 04:25 PM
LoisL - 27 September 2015 10:10 AM
Jeciron - 14 August 2012 03:34 AM

A preacher arrives at his country church on Sunday morning to find only a single, elderly farmer in attendance.  He asks, “Since no one else is here, should I still preach, or shall we just go home.”  The farmer replies, “If I take a load of hay down to my cows and only one of them shows up I still feed her.”  The preacher is deeply moved by the farmer’s answer and goes on to preach what feels is the best sermon of his career.  When the preacher finishes he can’t resist asking the farmer what he thought of the sermon.  The farmer replies, “Well, if I take a load of hay down to my cows and only one shows up I still feed her, but I don’t give her the whole damn wagon load!”


Another not very funny joke, but one that has always intrigued me, (and gotten me into a fair amount of trouble):

A man finds a lamp and when he polishes it two genies, (geni?), appear.  They tell the man the usual genie stuff about three wishes, but add that he must not speak the wishes aloud, but must just think them.  The man thinks for a moment and suddenly a huge pile of gold coins appears.  He thinks for another moment and several beautiful, naked women appear.  He thinks again and suddenly the door is kicked open and a group of men in white hoods grab him, drag him into the street, and hang him from the nearest lamp post.

One genie turns to the other and says, “You know, I understand the money and sex things, everybody wants those, but did you get the part about being hung like a black man?”


Admittedly, this is not a great joke, but what I find odd about it is that I see it as a joke about prejudice and and racism, a joke based on racism, but not really a racist joke.  I’m not sure I’ve encountered anyone else that sees it that way and some people are really offended.  That may say more about me than it does about the joke, I suppose.  If anyone is moved to comment, or point out the error of my thinking I can’t think of a group who’s responses would be more interesting, (and edifying), to me.  And please, if this joke is as repulsive as some people seem to think it is, I sincerely apologize and beg that you don’t ban me from this forum.

It is pretty repulsive and also ungrammatical. A person on the gallows is hanged, not hung. Unfortunately for this guy. genies are not known for their knowledge of grammar.

Lois

I may not like insult jokes, but I thought both of those were a kick, got Paula to laughing too.

Lois,    :mad:
Since when was proper grammar necessary for a good joke.    ;-)

It isn’t. It’s just the editor in me, after years of training. THAT may be the joke!

Lois

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Posted: 28 September 2015 07:42 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 228 ]
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Absence of evidence, is not evidence of absence.

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Posted: 29 September 2015 10:12 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 229 ]
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harry canyon - 28 September 2015 03:25 PM
CuthbertJ - 28 September 2015 10:07 AM

I can’t recall if I posted this one before, but it’s one of my faves so i’ll repost:

QUESTION: What’s worse than a worm in your apple?

ANSWER: The Holocaust.

I don’t find anything funny about that one… <shrug>

The answer I had always heard, was: ‘Half a worm’.

Probably doesn’t work online. When I heard it it was spoken. So the teller says the first part then holds for a bit to let you come up with possible answers in your head, like half a worm, maybe the apple being rotten, etc. i.e. silly little things. Then you get the answer and it was totally unexpected and obviously completely hyperbolic. That’s my humor analysis anyway ;)

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Posted: 29 September 2015 10:57 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 230 ]
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CuthbertJ - 29 September 2015 10:12 AM
harry canyon - 28 September 2015 03:25 PM
CuthbertJ - 28 September 2015 10:07 AM

I can’t recall if I posted this one before, but it’s one of my faves so i’ll repost:

QUESTION: What’s worse than a worm in your apple?

ANSWER: The Holocaust.

I don’t find anything funny about that one… <shrug>

The answer I had always heard, was: ‘Half a worm’.

Probably doesn’t work online. When I heard it it was spoken. So the teller says the first part then holds for a bit to let you come up with possible answers in your head, like half a worm, maybe the apple being rotten, etc. i.e. silly little things. Then you get the answer and it was totally unexpected and obviously completely hyperbolic. That’s my humor analysis anyway ;)

Okay. :-)

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Posted: 29 September 2015 01:24 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 231 ]
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LoisL - 28 September 2015 07:38 PM

It isn’t. It’s just the editor in me, after years of training. THAT may be the joke!

Lois

:lol:

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Posted: 29 September 2015 02:10 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 232 ]
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CuthbertJ - 29 September 2015 10:12 AM
harry canyon - 28 September 2015 03:25 PM
CuthbertJ - 28 September 2015 10:07 AM

I can’t recall if I posted this one before, but it’s one of my faves so i’ll repost:

QUESTION: What’s worse than a worm in your apple?

ANSWER: The Holocaust.

I don’t find anything funny about that one… <shrug>

The answer I had always heard, was: ‘Half a worm’.

Probably doesn’t work online. When I heard it it was spoken. So the teller says the first part then holds for a bit to let you come up with possible answers in your head, like half a worm, maybe the apple being rotten, etc. i.e. silly little things. Then you get the answer and it was totally unexpected and obviously completely hyperbolic. That’s my humor analysis anyway ;)

Of course “half a worm” is worse (and funnier) than finding a whole worm and it doesn’t have to be spoken. It’s funny whether it’s spoken or written. It means, of course, that you’ve eaten the other half.

You made me spoil the joke by forcing me to explain it—the death knell for a joke.

Lois

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Posted: 02 October 2015 04:14 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 233 ]
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How arguing with a fundamentalist works:

A teacher was telling her class that whales can not swallow a human being because scientists had determined that their throats are actually quite small.  A student replied, “That’s not true, the Bible says Jonah was swallowed by a whale!”  The teacher explained that scientists had studied the actual anatomy of whales by doing autopsies on all the known species and had yet to find one which could possibly swallow a human in a single gulp.  The student replied, “Well, when I get to heaven I’m going to ask Jonah!”  The teacher replied sardonically, “What if Jonah went to hell?”, to which the student replied, “Then you ask him.”

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Posted: 02 October 2015 05:34 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 234 ]
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Jeciron - 02 October 2015 04:14 AM

How arguing with a fundamentalist works:

A teacher was telling her class that whales can not swallow a human being because scientists had determined that their throats are actually quite small.  A student replied, “That’s not true, the Bible says Jonah was swallowed by a whale!”  The teacher explained that scientists had studied the actual anatomy of whales by doing autopsies on all the known species and had yet to find one which could possibly swallow a human in a single gulp.  The student replied, “Well, when I get to heaven I’m going to ask Jonah!”  The teacher replied sardonically, “What if Jonah went to hell?”, to which the student replied, “Then you ask him.”

:lol: :lol:

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Posted: 02 October 2015 09:26 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 235 ]
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Jeciron - 02 October 2015 04:14 AM

How arguing with a fundamentalist works:

A teacher was telling her class that whales can not swallow a human being because scientists had determined that their throats are actually quite small.  A student replied, “That’s not true, the Bible says Jonah was swallowed by a whale!”  The teacher explained that scientists had studied the actual anatomy of whales by doing autopsies on all the known species and had yet to find one which could possibly swallow a human in a single gulp.  The student replied, “Well, when I get to heaven I’m going to ask Jonah!”  The teacher replied sardonically, “What if Jonah went to hell?”, to which the student replied, “Then you ask him.”

I like it, but the kid is too cheeky for his own good. Actually it might be a better joke if it was a discussion between a fundamentalist and an atheist.

Lois

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Posted: 03 October 2015 08:21 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 236 ]
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Student too cheeky for his own good.

Well I never. . .

%-P

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